therapy

» oblivion

"I give up—there's absolutely no point in going to therapy sessions. It's completely useless and nothing will ever work on me. I mean, just look at me. When a person walks by me down the street, I can already hear their thoughts racing in their minds: oh, look, another lost cause!

I don't need therapeutic help. I never did in the first place. You were my therapist. You gave me this sense of...hope in humanity. That I have finally met someone who understands me on a parallel state of mind. Someone with who I can share my nightmares and know that they won't laugh. Someone who won't drag me out, hand me a bottle of pills and tell me that everything is going to be fine. Because—because dammit it, nothing is ever fine. Don't you see what's happening to me? I'm suffocating on my own breath. I'm choking—all because of the air in my lungs. I can't do one thing right. What's going to happen to me in the future? Will I even get to see the future? I just.." A sigh escaped purple bruised lips. "I'm fine, I don't need any medical help, I don't need any help. Not from you, from the therapist, or from those group of people, just forget it."

"No, you are not fine. Don't you ever use those words with me again, okay? No one is ever fine. Fine isn't like the colors black and white. No one is ever just 'fine' or just 'good' or even just 'bad'. People are furious, people can be struck in the chest with the arrow of cupid, people can be sobbing until their vision is blurred by the tears of misery, people are never just fine. And you are a person. I know that going to the sessions hits you in the stomach as if a house has fallen on top of you; the understanding of I need help—it's incredibly hard to accept. But I can help you, all right? It's a dark tunnel of locked voices in car rides, but there is an end to that tunnel. The car does stop driving. And you need to stop hiding how you're feeling. You can't drown in a state of oblivion, unaware that you are losing control, unaware that you do need help. Realize it. Realize the hell you're going through. Realize that you're in a place of torment and suffering, an abode of condemned souls. And never forget to realize that there is light in the darkest part of hell."