Just Jack

Part One: Chapter Eleven: Just A Friend

Chapter Eleven

Just A Friend

     We are all pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. All of us, different and unique. All of us desperately trying to make the pieces fit together, to connect. Without each other, the jigsaw puzzle known as the universe, is incomplete. We need each other. People, friends, family. Love. The only thing is, how do we know which piece to connect with? What if the one you love, doesn't fit with your piece, what then?

     Mandy pulls a piece of her hair behind her ear as a cool wind blows along the empty beach. It's dark, and in the vast sky, a million and one stars twinkle beside a glowing, full moon. I'm shaking because I'm still wet from the shower, I came straight from my house. Mandy looks me up and down and I can see the look of confusion on her face. She's wondering why I wanted to talk to her. Even I'm wondering that too. Why, when everything was falling apart, did I ring Mandy?

“I don't know why I rang you. It's stupid. I'm stupid and I'm probably going to catch pneumonia or something. I just had to see you, because I have to know, Mandy.” I shout stepping closer to her and placing my cold hands on her boney shoulders.

     I'm almost losing myself while looking into her round eyes as they reflect off the moon. They remind me of Emily and the way hers reflected off the sun. These two girls couldn't be any more different. Emily is the sun and Mandy is the moon. I want to ask her about Jake and find out if it was her bullying that caused him to commit suicide. Yet, the answer is obvious. I know deep down that she was the root of all his pain, but looking at her now, the new Mandy Crenshaw, I don't want to judge her for her mistakes. She knows what she did was wrong. I can see it in her eyes. Besides, there are far more pressing questions to ask her.

     “I want to know why, of all people, I rang you. Why did I feel something for you, in a time when all I felt was numb? I have a person. You're not my person Mandy, so why did I dial your number?” I let go of her shoulders. She looks down to the sand and shakes her head. She is confused too but then she realizes why, and looks up to me. She has a odd smile on her face, sort of a half smile.

     “You rang me, Jack, because we're friends.” She takes hold of my hands. “You can have more than one person. I used to have a whole squad,” she laughs to herself. “You rang me, because in your time of need, you wanted someone, anyone, that was just as broken as you are.”

     Is she right? Can I have more than one person? At first, I thought Emily was the only person that would ever understand me, but now I have Mandy too. The girl I rang. Mandy is a friend. Someone I can rely on. Mandy is just a friend. I think.

*

     There is no cure. I am not cured. I'm healing yes, recovering. The road to recovery is long and bumpy and traveling this road will bring lots of challenges. Everyday is a struggle. I struggle not to count calories, not to weigh myself, not to starve myself or binge. I desperately try not to think of the skeleton in the mirror, or the thoughts he implants like seeds, in my head. These seeds would grow into tree's of insecurities, self doubt and loathing. For now, however, my mind is a garden. A treeless garden.

     The weekend comes fast and with it, it brings good weather. Mom is out for the day with Sammy and Keith. Keith. The only thing that manages to spoil this lovely day is the thought of him. I sit out back beside our small, but nice, swimming pool, watching the water as it moves slowly. A leaf from one of the trees falls off and lands in the water, causing a ripple. Keith is a leaf, landing in the pool of my happiness and bringing with him, a ripple effect.