Jori

The lost and broken guy

Jori

Remember when Chelle said she was an angel. My girl was…

She was declared dead that same evening, in my arms in fact, her and our little girl. They asked for my heart to use as energy for their long journey ahead to heaven. She lost too much bad and by the time the ambulance arrived she had already gone.

Don’t ask me how I feel, I don’t know. But I am a broken down mess. It hurt everything hurt. What do I do with myself now?

I sat in my bedroom at uni staring at the wall. It had been a month, she had been buried and it was the hardest thing saying goodbye.

The weeknd- Rolling stones was playing and I was literally in trance, like in my mind she is right there like I can see her face in the white walls, I can hear her but I can’t get her to stay here and transport through into the real realm. I messed up with her so much, it was my fault, imagine if I didn’t put her through all that she would be here today, if I didn’t be so careless and get her pregnant so recklessly she wouldn’t go through all that pain and die.

If she struck a deal with me to come back if I gave her my blood, I’d give her all of it. I would give her the whole thing and more for my little girl too.

There was a knock. I did not even speak.

“J..” Hayden quietly said. I didn’t move I continued to stare at the wall.  “Jori I know it hasn’t been long for me to say come out for some fresh air, but you have not done a single thing. Your uni work, you need to shave, you need to breathe. You need to stop drinking and stop smoking and just get out for just five minutes. You need to eat…please.”

“No.”

“Please.”

“No. I want to sit here and keep her and my baby where I can interact with them most. If I go out there I can’t do that and seeing people act happy and be kush with their daily life pisses me off to new levels. Like what do you want me to do out there, laugh with people, what exactly?”

“I want you to get some air.”
“There’s some in here.”

“Like-“

“HAYDEN!” I started to loose my cool and it went silent. “I don’t want to…” I continued. “I want to sit here and mourn my family in peace, please.” I wanted to cry. I really wanted her back. She was my everything, she allowed me to be so stupid and so free, she was my first everything. She literally came on this earth to be my life. I loved her for everything she ever put herself through for me, her being her, her being odd. It was beautiful.

Hayden put his hand on my back and patted it.

“I want her back Hayden, I don’t want nothing else. I don’t care about this degree anymore. I just want Chelle and my little girl back.” I let a tear fall.