Crimson Red

The snow kept falling. Slowly, softly it hit the ground. It was as if the sky was tearing apart, and tiny pieces of the clouds were falling down on earth. As if they'd given up their existence. They didn't care where they fell, as long as they didn't have to be clouds anymore. If they fell on a warm car, and melted, they didn't care. If they fell in the middle of a bride's veil, they didn't care. They just fell.

I have never been able to believe the fact that every single snow crystal is unique. How is it possible? There are only so-so many different patterns. Not that it matters. What does matter, however, is that every human living on planet earth is unique. You are you, and nobody else can be you. Isn't that amazing? I think it is. I feel proud of being myself, because, well, nobody else is. My hair movies in a soft way only my hair can do. I walk like myself, and nobody walks like me. I have my own looks, and nobody looks like me.

That is amazing.

If it only was true.

I was home alone. Well, honestly, it doesn't matter; I was always alone. I had just moved in to my first apartment. I had every single detail planned, where the TV would stand, where the different culinary herbs were to be grown and where the couch would stand. I'd bough several frames to put pictures I would take in. I imagined my wardrobe to be big, and full of different, beautiful vintage pieces. I would come home to my boyfriend, and love every bit of him.
It didn't end up like that. After a row of unlucky incidents, my life turned, if possible, more than up side down. I scarcely got in to the university, and my grades were so low that I didn't get any scholarships. My part time job earnings were barely enough to pay the rent.

I lived in the shadow of who I used to be. I used to be this happy, popular girl. People adored me, and never stopped admiring my good standards. I never drank at parties, never made any drama, and people respected me for who I was. I never thought that would be possible.

Then something snapped in my mind, and I never thought straight again. I was never clear, and every day was a horrible challenge. It was impossible to talk to people, because I would only mess up the conversation. Mess up their names, mess up the subject. If I talked to my friend Anna about music, I would call her Jenny and talk about TV. I would start cussing, and calling her names. And she never talked to me again.
I knew my mistakes, and I was just as embarrassed every single time. But it was as if something else than me controlled my mind.

I was home alone. The snow was falling, it was in the middle of December. I was cutting vegetables. It was one of the good days, where I managed to do what I wanted to do. I never had those anymore. So I celebrated the "miracle", and made myself something good. My parents never contacted me anymore, they thought I'd given them up, but in reality, I hadn't. All I remember is saying something about leaving, although I didn't want to leave. The words just flew out of my mouth, followed by curse words and evil looks. Then I got out, and cried my eyes out.

It was more silent than ever, but I didn't care to turn on the radio. The eerie emptiness didn't bother me at all. I just enjoyed being able to hear my own breathing, instead of crying. Then something loud and sharp broke the silence. I almost lost the frying pan I was preparing, and goose bumps went up and down my arms.

"H... Hello?" I whispered. Then I cleared my throat, and talked louder. "Anyone there? I... I have a knife!"

Silly, I thought. If anyone has gotten inside to attack me, I'm sure a knife won't stop them.

I left the kitchen, and went to the living room. On the way through the short hallway, I saw my own reflection in the big mirror on the wall.

Only that... I didn't have a mirror there. I stopped as soon as I realized that, and it was as if every cell in my entire body struggled to be somewhere else. Something inside my brain yelled; RUN! Get away, don't turn around, don't. go. back! Seconds seem to pass, and I didn't move an inch.
I breathed harder and harder, and stared at the wall in front of me. It was only an illusion, I thought, your mind isn't clear anymore, remember? Then why am I clearer than ever, today? I argued back. I was suddenly very cold in the living room, my breath was almost visible.

"Hello, there" I heard a voice say. "Don't be shy!"

As of natural instinct, I jumped around and fetched with my knife. And I froze. I thought I was going to throw up. The sight wrenched my stomach, and if I didn't have that little percent of clear thought left, in all the fright, I would faint.

It was me. An exact duplicate of myself. Every single detail was me. I stared at myself, standing in front of me. Only that her eyes, my eyes, seemed to be different. Under the usual blue, there was this dark shade of red. Glowing red. Crimson red. Like blood.

"What, it is as if you've seen your doppelganger or something!" the grim smile on the face dug deep into my bones. Then she moved her left hand up. And my hand moved the same way. She opened her mouth, and my mouth opened. Then a thought popped into my mind. As soon as you look your doppelganger in the eyes, you will become one person, you will share the same mind. Whatever it does, you will do. Whatever it thinks, you will think. You are one.

She moved her right hand, and I did the same. The knife caught a ray of sun, and pointed it directly in her face. My eyes hurt.

"Well, dear" I heard my own voice say. It didn't come from me. "You see now, I control pretty much everything about you. But... there is a problem, you see" the grin got bigger, and her chalk white teeth showed. She was perfect. Inhumane.

"There can't be two of us. I am sure you understand that. And therefore, well..." she moved her right hand closer her throat, and mine moved as well. Only that the blade of the knife dug lightly into my skin. It prickled a bit. "therefore I have to get rid of you!"

She was about to move her hand in a final movement, but I got to her before she did it.

"WHY?" I screamed.

It caught her off guard. I felt my face mirror her surprised expression.

"Why? Well, first of all, I controlled you. It was so much fun seeing your friend's faces as you said all those nasty things I made you say. They thought you were a crazy person. A psychopath, almost." She laughed, as she continued. "They... they felt sorry for you. Thought it must have been a illness or something. Something wrong with your mind. But, you know, that's not the only reason they left you deserted like that. Let's just say... I had some pleasant time with the... more manly part of your friend group. And they thought it was you, all the time! Ha-ha!"

The tears were welling up in my eyes.

"So yes, I ruined your reputation, and everyone who loved you, now hates you. There's a reason that you're parents never contact you, you know. Why? They're dead, silly. I killed them with my bare hands. Ripped their hearts out, and felt the last beats in my palm.

"I am you. And you are me" 

I was speechless. Nothing made sense. Nothing. This was all just a bad dream, and that bitch I saw was nothing but a monster from a horrible nightmare.

"A monster?! Remember that we share mind, bitch! Now you've pissed me off."

She moved her right hand sharply to her stomach, and my hand followed. I felt the cold knife pierce through my skin, and I fell to the floor. I saw her fall, too. It went on, different parts of my fragile, human body. The knife stabbed me, blood gushed out of the wounds. It messed up my organs, but I didn't die. The agony kept me screaming on the floor. But I didn't die.

"Make it stop..." I used my last breath to say.

"Alright." She smiled cheerfully. And I did.

The snow kept falling. Every snowflake isn't unique. Nothing is unique. Not the beautiful crystals which people use to decorate their homes with. Not the white, shredded clouds which fall lightly on the ground. They aren't unique.

And the human isn't unique, as well. I am not unique. I am dead. We are dead. I am.