Going sixteen months, still, it's fresh in my memory. First love indeed never dies. I can't move on from that very moment in my life. It's indeed hard to forget everything about him.
seventeen months and twenty six days is the span of time person needs in order to completely move on. I'm near sixteen months but, I haven't even started moving on. Or simply, letting go of what I feel. how can I move on if I haven't let this feeling go?
Who can help me? No one can right? The effort must come from myself. But I cannot. I can't even put a single effort in order to move on. He's courting someone else. YEAH RIGHT. I don't have no right to confront him and tell him "DON'T PLEASE. " Who am I by the way? I'm just an X right. X. Pathetic me. Still not tired of loving him from afar and pretending I've forgotten about him. That there's nothing that had happened.
It's hard for me to lie in front of my bestfriend that I completely over him though I'm not. I'm such a fool I know. BUT WHO CARES? No one understands me. EVEN 'HIM". Right. Even Him. When He used to be the one who was. Now he's gone.
I don't understand myself. Maybe they're right. Relationships are better handled by adults. It's hard to be hurt. It's hard to love when you are not yet ready to face the consequences. When all you still know is LOVE and LOVE alone. You are not aware of the PAIN that it will cause you big time afterwards.
I'm trying to move on but I can't.
How can I ? If I know that there's no one better than him. No one can surpass whatever he have done.
I know we were still young back then. It wasn't a serious thing at all. But I just fell for him and he went away when I completely fell for him.
He once loved me. But, we hurted each others feelings I guess. We aren't awkward at all when we see each other. No, let me tell the truth
THERE'S TENSION IN BETWEEN THE TWO OF US WHENEVER WE SEE EACH OTHER.
I feel GUILTY. I should have not done that. I should have not. But what's done is done.
WE ARE OVER.
It's been more than a year and he has a better life now. But here I am still stuck in those times that makes me feel smile and regret things at the same time.
Going Sixteen Months of being a Sadist and a Masochist. How long will it take for me to find someone better that him?
I do not know.
but let me tell you.
I love my Van Van. I still do.
-- Alliyah Trish Gonzalez