Weird Questions And Strange Thoughts

* Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids. * Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane. * It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end. * The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. * It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. * Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun. * The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom. * If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees. * Never knock on Death's door; ring the doorbell and run (he hates that). * Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself). * When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess? * If you're living on the edge, make sure you're wearing your seat belt. * The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open. * Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway. * There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead. * An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. * A closed mouth gathers no feet. * Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. * It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere. * Jury -- Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney. * The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. * Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. * One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. * Atheism is a nonprofit organization. * If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? * The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. * I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. * If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working? * Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses? * Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims? * If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? * And whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have an "S" in it? * If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? * If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? * Is there another word for synonym? * Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?" * When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be removed? * Where do forest rangers go "to get away from it all?" * What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? * If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? * Would a fly without wings be called a walk? * Why do they lock gas station bathrooms...

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