Peace in the Valley - Chapter 2

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Chapter 2

The trial was over. Winter was no longer on it's way, it was here. And life on the farm had settled down to taking care of the animals that were in the barn or coop. Winter winds almost blew right through Tanner as he walked from the barn to the house carrying the morning's milk. But, inside the house it was toasty warm. Nana looked up at him and smiled as he entered. Tanner tried to smile back, but the smile did not quite make it to his eyes before it was gone.

"Tanner, can you get me the butter?" Nana asked with another smile.

"Yes, ma'am. Where is Julie this morning?"

"Here I am." She said as she came in from outside shivering with the basket of eggs. Tanner placed the butter on the counter next to Nana and reached for the eggs from Julie. After placing them on the counter. He took Julie in his arms and hugged her tight rubbing his hands up and down her back and arms quickly to warm her up. Then he leaned down and gave her a kiss. Not a quick peck he normally gave in Nana's presence, but one to help Julie heat up the rest of the way.

Nana grinned to herself, but Charlie came in and said, "Easy kids." And Tanner and Julie broke apart and moved to opposite sides of the kitchen.

"Now Charlie? Don't you remember being young and in love."

"Of course I do. But, I am not ready for grandchildren."

"Daddy!" Julie exclaimed while she blushed ten shades of red.

Julie could tell that Tanner was still mourning, and she was there for him. But, she didn't want to force him to talk about things he was not comfortable about. She was glad that he had her father and Brent to talk to, and even Pastor Rick checked in on him to see how he was handling things. But, as they drove to school, Julie could feel a nagging in her heart to ask Tanner if everything was OK. He had been quiet and distant, and until that kiss in the kitchen this morning, he had not kissed her in days.

Tonya left them to find Brent and Julie took Tanner's hand to let him know she wanted to stay and talk. Julie turned towards Tanner, but moved away slightly to give him room. But, she held on to his hand letting him know she was there for him. The fog he had been walking in since his mother's death was heavy and dark at times, and Julie wanted to help him through it.

"Is everything OK." Julie asked.

Tanner did not look over at her, he just looked down at the steering wheel. "Yeah. I mean I guess so."

"What is going on? I mean, I am here for you, if you can't talk to me about it, please talk to someone."

"No. It's not like that. I want to talk, but I just don't know..."

Julie moved closer. Right now she wanted to hold him and let him know everything would be OK. As she moved closer, Tanner put his hand up. "Not right now."

"Wh... what? Why? I just want to comfort you."

"I know, and I appreciate that. But I don't want to use you just to feel something. Anything."

"That's why." Julie said as she realized that is why he was so distant. "That's why we have not been close." They had held hands and sat next to each other, but there was this wall up.

"I don't want to hurt you. I love you. That has not and never will change." Tanner started to feel the tears burning the backs of his eyes as they welled up. "Julie, right now I just feel numb. There is so much I don't understand. So much I can't accept. And when I kissed you this morning, it was wonderful and that was the first time in days...weeks even that I did not feel numb. But, I will not... I will NOT use you like that." The whole time, Tanner had not looked up, but now he glanced over at Julie without moving his face.

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