Just Jack

Part One: Chapter Ten: Just Runaway

Chapter Ten

Just Runaway

     It's funny, as kid I always wanted to run away. You know, get away from it all. Back then, I thought I was running away from the grownups. Now, I am the grownup. And yet, I'm still running. As she said, running away will never make me free but, right now, it's all I can do. We may think we have left the past behind, but it always has a way of catching up with us. Our pasts, are our shadows. When we chase it, it runs away. When we turn our backs on it, it chases us. I'm soaking wet and it's almost midnight. But I have to see her. She has a way of making my shadow, disappear.

     Before boarding her bus, Mandy takes a long stare at me and Emily and then, she's gone. I'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out the truth about what happened. Emily rolls her eyes and shakes her head. “How could I have been so stupid,” she mutters to herself, walking away. It takes me a second or two to actually register what's going on. I push through a couple of students and catch up with Emily. She looks embarrassed and disappointed, yet she tries to hide it all with an innocent smile.

     “Emily, wait up! What's going on? Why are you here?” I say. She stops walking and I almost crash right into her back. She rests her hands by her side and then looks to me.

     “I'm sorry, Jack. I just wanted to see you. I shouldn't have just dropped here unannounced. It was stupid of me. I mean you have your own life,” she waves her hands in the air and then sighs. The last time I seen her, she was in the white padded room in full on crazy mode. Maybe she feels like she has to explain herself. I mean, she knows about me being in there and she's completely fine with me. I owe her a chance at least and it's not like I'm disappointed to see her.

     “Don't be silly, what happened back there was nothing. That girl just owes me an explanation. I can talk to her tomorrow. Besides, I'd rather hang out with you.” I smile and her face lights up.

     We move through the crowd. Emily receives a few stares from the boys and even from jealous girls. She is amazingly stunning and it looks as if she doesn't even try. Her fish net tights are ripped, her hair is in the limbo between clean and greasy and her eye make up looks like it was applied before she went to sleep. Yet, every girl here wishes they could pull off this look. The stare's make her somewhat confident and she walks with even more of a swagger.

     We finally break away from the crowds at high school and start to walk along the dirt track that brings us to the forest. I can't help but remember the last time I was here. It feels so long ago, and like I was a totally different person to who I am now. I walk along the dirt and leave footprints and for once, I am not ashamed. These footprints are a reminder of how far I've come. They are my medals.

     “So, you got discharged, thats amazing! I'm so proud of you, Jack. And so are the nurses. They talk about you all the time,” Emily says, breaking away from the awkward small talk we were having on the way to the forest. I sense that she wants somewhere quiet and remote so we could talk about serious things, like that day on the beach. Cut off from everyone else. Just me and her. I swing my backpack around my shoulder and consider what she says.

     “Yeah, it's pretty amazing all right. It feels different this time though. When I got discharged the last time I was there, it was like I knew deep down that one day I would be back.” I reply, only really thinking about the feeling now and how it differs from how I felt the last time I left Saint Clare's.