Broken: A Time Lord's Story (Doctor Who Novel)

Chapter 18 Even Spies Cry

Jack holstered the Webley as soon as the cogwheel rolled shut, safely securing the TARDIS. He stood with his head resting against the cold, metal door wishing his headache would evaporate. But it didn't, and he had to turn around. He inhaled sharply through his nose before pushing away from the door and turned to face the angry group of people behind him.

"Gwen, don't you have things to do. I saw the monitor spike that occurred on Calbrey Street while I was gone. The report isn't on my desk," he said tiredly.

"You bloody tosser, you just pulled this and you're asking for a report after?" Gwen walked up to inches from his face.

"There is nothing to discuss here. Go back to work," he replied calmly.

"You son- of," River snarled.

"Oi, language," he protested. He stood with legs apart, and arms crossed looking very much like a tired father.

"You pulled a gun, Jack. On people who are upset. How did that work with Owen?" Gwen retorted.

Jack's face darkened as he straightened up. "Do. Not. Bring Owen into this, Gwen. That's not fair."

"Then maybe you should've  learnt that you can't be a heavy-handed jack-ass all the time, Jack. Sometimes,  I just want to tell you to go stuff yourself."

"That job is already taken by someone else," Jack snarled as he pushed past the four standing in front of him.

"Jack, don't you walk away from me," Gwen yelled after his quickly disappearing back. "Jack Harkness, you're a bloody wanker!"

"Like I said, Gwen– language," he yelled back as he reached the control room and headed for the lift. God, that Welsh woman has a temper, Jack thought. No one can draw out Jack in as many syllables as she can.

He shook his head, ignored Gwen calling him a bloody wanker again -- this time in Welsh as he headed for the lift, and then the rooftop where he could breathe.

He genuinely didn't care if River threatened him with dismemberment. Truth told, he didn't care what the others said or did. He had heard it all before; more times than he could count, but Gwen; that hurt and it hurt deeply. After everything, they'd gone through; everything that had happened over the last few years,  he expected her to trust him. When the lift opened to the roof, fresh sea air washed over him. He strode over to the edge and looked out over the city. He stood there taking deep breaths to calm his emotions.  He concentrated on each beat of his heart until slowly, it stopped racing.   A mixture  of fear and grief replaced the rage. He should have learnt better self control after all this time as an immortal.  That he hadn't, filled him with immense shame, He found himself mourning all the  friends that he'd lost over time. The thought of losing the Doctor was just too much to bear.  Tears stung his eyes when he remembered the manic grin of his Doctor.   When his monitor's proximity alarm beeped, he didn't bother to turn around.  Ianto quietly stepped up beside him.

"Gwen's taking them home with her. I don't think Rhys is too happy. He might be joining us."

"I did the right thing."

"If you say so, Jack."

"Go to hell, Ianto," Jack said bitterly.

"That's Owen's line, and since he's not here..."

Jack turned to look into the young Welshman's eyes. Tears streamed down Jack's face. "Ianto, Gwen should know this is killing me. I'd love to say 'screw the treaty', but then what happens? What happens if you or Gwen go on foreign soil and get into trouble. I won't be able to get you out. We're on borrowed time with the government, Yan. I can't risk it. I love him, but I have to follow the treaty. I have to protect you; I have to. I can't lose another member of this team because of my screw-ups."