An Evil Addiction

An Evil Addiction - Chapter 2

Faye stared at herself in the mirror. Stood in her underwear, she pulled at the bits of fat on her stomach and thighs. Instantly, the anger flared up inside her. Why did she look like this? Why wasn't she skinny like the other girls? She ran her hands through her hair, scrunched up her fingers and ripped through it. She stared at her hands and saw the hair wrapped around her fingers. Tears started to sting in her eyes. Slowly, she dropped to the floor and began to cry. She knew that there were people who had worse lives than her but she couldn't help but feeling like this. Alone.

Even though her friends cared about her and worried about her, she couldn't stop what she did. The feeling she got from cutting powered her. She knew some must think that she's just attention seeking, she often thought that herself. But she didn't care when the time came, she was doing it for her, not for anyone else.

The draw next to her bed seemed to call for her. Her best friend wanted her to use it. Faye crawled across the floor slowly and reached for the scissors. The tears kept flowing from her eyes, dripping onto her thigh. Her whole body was covered in a blotchy stress rash that she often got. Faye felt like the whole world was crushing in on her. She had panic attacks, she self harms, she makes herself sick. But what was she trying to achieve? To be thin, to be pretty? None of what she was doing was going to achieve that.

She lifted up her shirt and began to cut away at her stomach, moving the scissors back and forth until the red liquid appeared. She dug the point into herself and winced. The pain was horrible but she needed to carry on. More tears rolled down her cheeks as she dragged it across. Suddenly, an idea that she though was amazing ran through her head. The excitement began to bubble up inside her. She moved to the bottom of her stomach and stretched the skin to cut into. The pain was worse in that area but she needed to do it, she needed to mark herself.

The word 'FAT' was carved into her stomach. Something felt like it had been lifted from her again. She didn't wipe the blood away, just let it sit there. She felt a sense of accomplishment.

After lying there for a while, enjoying the pain. Faye remembered how much she had ate because of her parents. She'd already had problems about her weight the summer before, she'd lost just under two stone. Then she started to get better. But now everything was going wrong again. She was getting bigger and bigger. She could feel it, she could see it. She needed to get rid of it, quick.

Faye kneeled by the toilet with the seat up. She took deep breaths but could feel the sweat appearing on her forehead. Her hair was tied up out of her face, there was nothing to stop her. She opened her mouth and put her shaky fingers inside. She reached to the back, feeling something. She gagged but still no sick. Saliva covered the two fingers that had been her mouth, she was determind to do this. She slipped the fingers back in and wiggled the thing at the back of her throat around. She gagged again and coughed out the sick. She repeated the process until nothing more would come up.

Then she slowly lowered to the bathroom floor and curled up in a ball. The tears just kept coming and coming. Each breath started to get quicker and quicker. Her throat felt like it was closing up and she began grasping for air. She held her throat, her blonde hair falling over her face. She coughed and tried to take control of her breathing again. She needed to stop all this. She wasn't right. She was weird, crazy, attention seeking.

Faye knew exactly what she wanted to do. She's known all along, she just wanted to torture herself first. Cutting messed with her head and caused her pain. But all she wanted to do now was die. People would be happier without her, no one needed her.