I Hope Love Is... [On Hold]

Twentieth Verse

Twentieth Verse

When you said you loved me
I believed you
Even when you kept pushing me away
Even when you said one thing
and did another thing
I wanted to believe
that you were saying the truth...
-translated from “Wasted Love”
from Future Colors' first mini-album Love/Pain

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The first thing that came to Bea's mind was “YES!” She opened her mouth but stopped short, still gazing at him with disbelief. The unspoken word hung there on the brink of being said, but she was somehow afraid that saying it would break the dream that she seemed to be in. 

At that moment, the phone in her pocket vibrated. Probably an incoming message from Manang Mia, asking for an update. The thought of her cousin felt like a dash of cold water-- that a particularly large wave slapping against the bottom of the walkway suddenly sprayed seawater into both their faces seemed like the perfect punctuation.

Minha glanced at her and then looked away.

“You don't want to...?” he asked.

Bea sighed and touched his arm so that he looked back at her.

“I'm not saying I don't want to...” she said slowly. He brightened, then slumped.

“But...?” he asked.

“But we're both still too young,” she said. “And I still have school. It wouldn't be fair to Manang Mia if I just go and get married and not finish school like I promised her. It wouldn't be fair to my parents who are expecting me to graduate. And it wouldn't be fair to you to expect you to shoulder my expenses for schooling.” 

When he opened his mouth to argue, she covered it with her hand.

“No, listen to me first,” she said. “You also have the band. It wouldn't be fair to the others either. Would it be okay with your agency? They won't make you leave?”

She saw from the stricken look in his eyes that she had made her point, and dropped her hand. He caught it and held it tight.

“Minha,” she said. “I don't want you to end up hating me if I'm the reason you get kicked out of Future Colors.”

“I won't,” he said. “I can't hate you. But I won't get kicked out.”

“But if you do...?”

He was silent for a long moment. When he looked back at her there was a haunted look in his eyes.

“I... don't know what I would do if I weren't in Future Colors,” he said softly. “I can't remember a time in my life that I wasn't acting or singing or playing an instrument. I don't know what I would be if I couldn't be a performer.”

* * *

Philippines

Present day...

“I don't know what I would be if I couldn't be a performer.” Minha repeated the words.

“And I said,” Bea answered, her voice a bit wobbly, tugging at his hand so that he looked at her, and then smiling at him.  “I said, whatever happened to you, you would still be Jeon Minha. You would still find a way to make music. And you would find a way to perform. Because it's who you are.”