Accidentally on Purpose

Chapter Fifty-Six

"Hey, buddy, calm down. It's alright. Just calm down."

Leann's soothing words were directed toward my brother, but I felt like I needed those words too. She turned his body to the side and slid one of her hands under his head once he was starting to hit his own head on the floor, and then she looked up to me. "Hannah. Get something to cushion his head. Anything soft." She turned back to Tony. "Easy, Tony. Don't hurt yourself," she said to him.

My movements were slow, distracted, and yet at the same time so frantic that Leann had to yell at me the second time to focus.

I tore my eyes away from Tony, who was still having a seizure in front of me, and I dragged my feet toward my bed and quickly grabbed my blanket. I folded it so it was thick enough to cushion Tony's head, and Leann helped me slowly lift his head so I could put the blanket under his head.

His breaths were nothing more than strained, short gasps, as if he couldn't open his throat wide enough to let the air into his lungs. His chest jerked upwards and down and his whole body twitched violently.

I wanted to cry.

My mind was blank, so I was only doing what my sister was telling me to do. Do not put anything inside his mouth. Do not restrain his body. Make sure he's safe from hurting himself. Watch the time and make sure it lasts no longer than five minutes. Do not panic, he's going to be alright. Do not cry, this is nothing dangerous.

But the heart inside my chest was beating too fast, and I was terrified from head to toe. What was happening to him? Why was I not allowed to panic when it all felt like I was watching him dying? What was I supposed to do to stop this?

Within short minutes, the rapid movements of his body slowed down, and there was no word that could describe the relief I was feeling. It looked like it was now easier for him to breathe, and now he was sucking in as much oxygen as he could.

Leann moved quickly to make sure he was alright. Unlike me, she seemed calm and collected, even though I still could feel the worry that radiated off her body.

"I need to call Mom and Dad," Leann informed me. "He's alright. He should wake up in a few minutes. But I really need to tell them what happened."

I wordlessly nodded.

"Is it okay if I leave you to keep an eye on him for a second?" she asked me gently, knowing that I was on the verge of having a mental breakdown. "Hannah, can I trust you to keep an eye on him?"

"Y-yes," I stuttered.

"Okay." She nodded at me, and then pulled me into a hug. "I know this is scary for you, but trust me. He's alright and there's nothing you really should worry about."

"How would you know?" I asked after I pulled away.

"My old roommate has epilepsy. I've seen this happen a lot."

"So you think Tony has epilepsy?" I asked. Leann nodded and shrugged at the same time. "But—but I don't remember—I don't remember that he had epilepsy before."

She gave me a sad smile. "Neither do I."

She left the room to call our parents, and I returned my focus back on my unconscious brother. Gently, I lifted his head up from the floor and lay his head on my lap. He was still breathing loud, but it was on a steadier pace now.

I wiped the slight drool on the corner of his mouth with the hem of my shirt, as well as his sweaty forehead with the palm of my hand, and then gently stroked his hair just like he always did whenever I'd cry when I'd been younger.

Despite the fact that Leann had repeatedly told me to calm down and to not worry, I couldn't help it. I'd felt so helpless watching him looking like he was in so much pain, not knowing what to do to take it away from him. I was worried, I was scared, I was terrified of what I saw. If I could, I really wish I didn't have to see it all. I didn't want to see him like that.