1. Hell is my Life

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Hell is my Life by Alexis Long

Preface

In Communication Arts when I was about 8 or 9, my teacher asked us to write our own definition of Heaven and Hell.

For Heaven I wrote: "Cloudy, happiness, a world with no fears or problems. For Hell, I wrote "Fiery, ugly, scary, a world full of mean people and sadness.

My definition for them now, age 16, is "Heaven: Being with my mother, in Florida." and then "Hell: My Life."

Chapter one

You see, my mom was on drugs when my parent got divorced. So, the courts thought it would be "so much better" for me to live with my dad. But what the courts didn't know, was that my dad was unemployed, a drunk, and hit us and my mom, which was why she left.

My brother, Marcus, was 15, and emancipated (yet he still lived with dad) when the 'rents got divorced. So, now, he's 21, and about to move out. So, 6 years later, and how am I doing? Horrible. Fucking Horrible.

I have zero friends unless you count my brothers friends. I have absolutely no money for and education, and I should have gone to the hospital 7 times this month (thanks dad!) and it's only the 19th of April, 2008.

April 19th, 2008. Exactly one month away until school is over. Then, the beating really start. Dad doesn't want anybody to notice the bruises, so he takes it really easy during the school year. But during the summer...

The rape gets real bad too. Except the rape isn't from my dad. It's from Logan and Trevor, my brothers best friends.

*Flashback*

My brother, Marcus, had always loved drinking. He did it all of the time (like father like son). So one night, my brother invited all his good friends over. Lou, Evan, Trevor, Logan, Cody, and Mark. They all got so drunk, (even I was a little buzzed) and they all passed out. Besides Trevor, Logan, and of course, me.

We were all cool at first, talking, laughing, and still drinking. Then Trevor whispered something in Logans ear. They both laughed, and looked at me. What they said disturbed me, even now, when I'm remembering what happened.

"Tear Drop, we're horny and we want sex." They said, in unison, using my whole first name.

"What do you want me to do about it?" I asked. I was 12. All I knew about sex was that you stick a penis into a girl and push it in and out lots of times, and somehow it gives you pleasure. I was kind of a sheltered kid. I never watched television, and nobody ever talked about sex in front of me, so how was I supposed to know?

"We want you to fulfill our needs, Tear." Logan said, getting out of his chair and stepping towards me. Trevor did the same.

"How?" I asked my voice shaky.

"Well..." Trevor grabbed my hand. "Let’s go into your room and we'll show you." They led me upstairs, and into my room that was filled with pink, and locked the door. Logan pushed me down onto the bed, knocking pillows to the ground, and tied my feet and hands to the bed, spread apart.

They pulled out a condom, pulled down my shorts and undies, and while covering my mouth, took turns going inside me. I yelled for help so many times, but nobody helped me. Ever.

*End or flashback*

It has been going on every night that my brother’s friends are here. I cry, but only sometimes. I don't tell, because no one would ever believe me. I still like to consider myself a virgin, even though I shouldn't.

My best friend is one of my brother’s friends. He joined Marcus' group about year ago. His name is Mason, and he's really super hot. He was my first kiss that I actually wanted. Yeah, Trevor and Logan were (are) hot, but I was 12 years old for Gods sake! I didn't want that then!

I love my brother, sure, but he's fucked up. He has to know that two of his best friends rape me. Whatever.

My life is fucked up to much. Even if they did stop using me to pleasure their needs, my life would still suck.

My mom was a major hippie, and she still kind of is, so she named me Tear Drop Mary Jane Davenport. Long, right? Yeah. My mom just liked the name Tear Drop. And she was really into smoking weed, and Mary Jane is another name for weed, so she made that my middle name. And she used her maiden name, Davenport, because she beginning to hate my father, right when I was born. My dad named my brother, Marcus Drake Caverly. He used his own last name. But, I'm glad that I didn't get that bastards last name, because I'm not really his kid. My mom told me this before she left him. She cheated on him once, (and he didn't even notice) and nine months later, she had me. Tear Drop Mary Jane Davenport. I love my name. It's the one thing that I have that make me and everyone else know that I belong to my mother, because my dad lost my birth certificate. Well, the person I thought was my dad.

My mom thought that my dad had stopped abusing me, so she really didn't check up a lot. But the times that she did call, she told me about how much she loved and missed me, and how that she was going to get custody of me soon, very soon. But, it hasn't happened yet. So, I've pretty much lost hope all hope in life.

I know that somewhere out there, there is someone who has it worse than me. Way worse. But, until I meet that person, I'm still going to be convincing that I have it horrible.

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