Chapter 12: Thought We Were Friends

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❤️Mac❤️

It hurts. The realization that I am in love with my co-star physically hurts. I feel as if someone has punched a hole through my chest, leaving me with an ache so strong it's a struggle to breathe. How long have I been in love with Ryan? I had desperately hoped that the knowledge of my own feelings would stop me from falling completely for him. But no, I've done that despite everything.

I concentrate on trying to breathe as I grip the table next to me, willing myself to keep standing. I want to slump to the floor and cry, but there are people around me. We don't have the go-ahead from the director to go home yet. Since finishing the scene several minutes ago, the entire crew is standing around waiting for his cue.

Ryan suddenly appears out of nowhere with a bottle of water in his hand. I am unable to stop my gaze from wandering over his chest and body – to think that I just had my hands on them minutes earlier. I watch as he unscrews the cap and takes a sip from the bottle. He offers it to me, and I shake my head, aware as I do so that he is studying me.

"Are you okay?"

No, I feel as if I could fall apart at any moment. "I'm fine."

"We survived," he says.

I stare at him blankly, not knowing what he's on about.

"The kiss," he says.

"Oh."

He survived. I've just had a shocking, life-changing revelation, and now I have to deal with the fallout.

"I mean, I didn't want to let you go," Ryan's eyes darken. "I like kissing you. A lot. In case you hadn't figured it out already."

I feel the automatic clench of desire at his words—a warmth that spreads to the pit of my stomach. My heart pounds in my ears. God, the response I have to this man is unbelievable.

"Mac, are you sure you're okay?"

I grip the table tighter as I hear the concern in Ryan's voice. "I'm fine."

I will be fine. Just as soon as I get out of here and work out what I am going to do about this... disaster. I know for a fact that I need to put some distance between us.

"I'm just tired," I add.

"Let's get you out of here," Ryan says, before calling out to the director. "Mitch, are we done here?"

I look over at the director, who is watching the footage we just shot on his small monitor. He glances up and nods, before sticking his thumb up.

"We don't need another take. Go home. Get some rest. We'll see you bright and early tomorrow morning. Don't forget to drop your gear off tomorrow," Mitch says, motioning to our outfits.

I flash a grateful smile at Mitch. All I want to do right now is to get out the door and away from Ryan. The day has been enough of a rollercoaster without any more of it adding to my emotional turbulence. For the second time in my life, I am in love with a man who doesn't feel the same way I do.

Why do I keep making the same mistakes? Falling for men who don't want anything more from me than just casual sex? Okay, so Ryan is different, I know he values our friendship too. I should feel consoled by this, shouldn't I? Instead, the thought is like a knife through my heart. How can I lie to myself? I want so much more than that from him.

"I'll see you tomorrow," I tell Ryan, before heading for the door.

"Wait," Ryan reaches out and grabs hold of my arm. He pulls me round to face him. "Where are you going?"

"Mitch said we could go home."

"How are you getting there?"

"Umm, tram."

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