I'm Fading, fading, fading...
"...this morning at 7:01. And next you'll hear Love Story from Taylor Swift." I wake up to the melodious tunes of modern music. 7:00 o'clock, I think, what a perfect time. I lay in bed a few more minutes before getting up and out of bed. Then I walk straight to my mirror. I see my red hair standing straight with static and sleep in the corner of my eyes. "Ugh".
Running to the sink I think about what I'm going to wear today. Maybe the long sleeved green blouse with the jean shorts I got yesterday. Or possibly the plum skirt with the beige top with lace. "The latter, I think".
When I'm finished in the bathroom I examine my face in the mirror again. My eyes have cleared and the green eye shadow draws attention to my bright blue irises. My straight hair is tame and partially pulled back with a plum coloured clip. "Much better; perfect".
I finish my morning routine, kiss my mother's cheek and head out in my silver Saturn. "Perfect".
As I head out the driveway I look at the clock. "Shoot. 7:48, I'm going to be late to pick up Sarah". When I pull up to the curb in front of Sarah's large brick home she runs out with her black curls flying behind her. "You're late, Missy" Sarah says as soon as she gets in the car.
"I realized that, thanks", I roll my eyes at her, and drive off. I peer at Sarah, who is staring blankly out the window. "What's wrong Sarah? Where's your 'I've decided to embrace life' attitude"?
Sarah smirks at me, barely, "That was a month ago".
"Of course", I sigh dramatically, hoping to bring on a laugh, maybe even a smile. I glance at her - nothing. I decide to leave Sarah to her thoughts till we get to school, where she runs off immediately.
During first period I can't think of anything but Sarah, why she's so upset and what I can do to help at nutrition break I see her with the same oddly empty expression. "Sarah. Hey wait up! Sarah!" I catch up to her though she didn't wait. "Hey, what's up with you today? How can I help?"
"Nothing," she keeps walking. "Nothing. I'm fine".
"Come on Sarah," I grab onto her shoulders and look at her. "I know something's wrong and I want to help." I hope she can hear the sincerity in my voice.
Her eyes seem to melt somewhat and it all comes out in one fast breath. "My parents are getting a divorce, my sister's always out with some guy or another and comes home drunk, and I got kicked off the volleyball team for getting caught trying drugs, and Justin and Lana and Heather all won't even look at me, and-"
I wrap my arms around her, "Oh Sarah," I feel her stiffen with her arms at her side, "it's okay. Sarah, I understand, it'll be fine".
"No", Sarah pushes out from my hug, "it won't be fine and you definitely do not understand."
"Sarah-" I reach out but she's already gone. The rest of the morning classes go on much the same as the first. I wonder if I could have done anything to help, if I could have noticed before, and stopped it. What if it's all my fault?
Near the end of the 3rd period my thoughts are stopped abruptly by Mr. Winkle "Missy, if you don't have this assignment done, you'll have detention!"
At lunch I can't find Sarah anywhere even though I ask numerous people and I call her cell at least fifteen times. I spend almost the entire hour looking for her unsuccessfully.
About twenty minutes into the 4th period there's a siren approaching the school. Almost immediately the class moves as one toward the windows facing the front entrance. We watch as an ambulance and police car pulls in and the paramedics take out the gurney and run into the school. Mrs. Turner tries to get us back into our sears. "Everyone sit down. I'm sure they have it under control. Cindy, get your nose off the window. Jacob, get down from that desk!" Eventually she gets us away from the window with the threat of class detention and a project worth 5% of our mark.
Fortunately, my seat is close to the window. I keep an eye on the ambulance and see when they pull the gurney back out. They move quickly but I see black and, and I think it's a girl. Immediately I think of Sarah. No, surely it's my imagination working. It's just because I'm worried about her. I'm not certain, it might be a boy. And besides, there are tons of girls with black hair in the school. I try to comfort myself, nevertheless I shake and sweat and worry.
On my way to 5th period I hear lots of news. "I heard it was a drug overdose." "Did you hear it was suicide?" "I heard she did it in the bathroom by the cafeteria." "I heard she was still alive when they found her."
As soon as I walk into my Social Studies class Michael Hilroy stands on his chair and says, "Did y'all hear? It was Sarah Nar and she's dead!" Then he laughs.
"No." I drop my books and I run. I run down the hall and out the door but don't stop. I can feel the tears in my eyes and on my cheeks. "She's dead." No. "She's dead" No. "It's all my fault". No, I did what I could. "How could she? How could she leave me like that?" I hate her! "No, I love her, I love her." My toe catches on a crack in the sidewalk and I fall.
I'm falling, falling, falling.
I sit straight up, my heart pumping and my breathing's heavy. I look around from my perch on the floor. I see my room, dark and dingy. My room, also known as Linda's room, Meghan's room and the kitchen. I lay back down. I'm back, I think, and I'm Melissa the refugee again, not Missy. "In America, where life is perfect."
But nothing's perfect. I suppose everyone has problems no matter where you are. Surely if I got out of here my problems would be less. If only life were perfect.
