Chapter 20: Kroonum (Excerpt from "Greegs & Ladders")

The following is an excerpt from the upcoming sci-fi/satire novel "Greegs and Ladders," co-authored by Zack Mitchell and Danny Mendlow.  At this point in the story, our trio of protagonists have just experienced an unexpected, unwarranted and un-requested hyperspacial jump, landing their fleet of shiny Obotron space ships smack dab in the middle of the most bustling solar system within five trillion Universes. The New York City of Solar Systems. The China of Solar Systems.

The Kroonum System...

Characters:

Krimshaw: A reformed, formerly savage Greeg who has been taught to speak and behave like a civilized creature. (Think Pygmalion).  Greegs are slovenly, savage beasts, used primarily as carnival attractions in most of the known, and unknown, universes. 

Dr. Rip T. Brash the Third: A partying, gambling, sociopath who loves nothing more than not taking responsibility for anything while causing large amounts of damage to everything... all while losing high stakes wagers at a staggering rate.

Wilx: An astrospeciologist whose entire life's work is financed by winning large wagers with Rip. He is a pragmatic mad scientist, but a mad scientist nonetheless.

                                                CHAPTER 20

                                                  Kroonum

Kroonum is an ultraviolet Blue-Spotted Zeta Sun that provides warmth and life for 27 planets. Not one of these planets is mellow or uninhabited. They all suffer major problems of overpopulation and a lack of sleep.

If New York is the city that never sleeps, then Kroonum is the Solar System that has never even heard of sleep. There are simply too many exciting things to do to ever consider the notion of falling asleep. To sleep for even the shortest amount of time while in Kroonum is to miss at least several unprecedented and historically life-changing events in galactic history. The last time someone knocked off for a quick nap they ended up missing the resurrection of The Beatles, as well as missing the 12-hour reunion concert that followed shortly thereafter. The seemingly endless show ended with a complete front-to-back rendition of Abbey Road, played against the majestically stirring backdrop of Kroonum’s famous Whizzling-Firebeam asteroid shower (an event that is believed will only happen four times, ever). This was the third time it had happened. The person who’d popped off for a quick nap was later informed of the excellence of The Beatles, and was also told he would do best not to miss the next Whizzling-Firebeam asteroid shower. He ended up missing it on account of being dead, as the fourth and final asteroid shower did not occur for hundreds of years (or 89,126.3 zillion Schmickian years, if you want to get precise in the matter).

“Where are we?” asked Rip.

Wilx looked around confusedly. “We’ve just undergone an unrequested hyperspacial jump.”

“I know…but where exactly did we jump to?”

“I’m trying to figure that out,” said Wilx as he scrambled through the star charts. “Look over there… I see a planet missing its top half. Could that be the legendary Clug Raddo?”

“What's Clug Raddo?” asked Krimshaw.

“A planet. One that lost its northern hemisphere due to the climactic event of the Dishwashing Chronicles.”

“What happened in the Dishwashing Chronicles?”

“We'll tell you about it later. For now I need to focus on the fact that we’ve jumped many universes in the complete opposite direction from the planet Hroon and the sunned district of Herb.”

“Do we have any pomegranates?” asked Rip.

“Uh, what are pomegranates?”

“Did the rest of the fleet make the hyperspacial jump with us?” asked Krimshaw.

“Good question. At least someone is having relevant thoughts around here.”