He's My Mate

Chapter 21- Second Guessing

I had been sitting in my room second guessing myself all afternoon. Ever since Alarik had left, I had been wondering if I'd made the right decision for me. For us. Was it really right for me to step right back into this dance with him when all the other times had been a disaster so far?

He's our mate and no matter what you think, he's right for us. My wolf started saying to me yet again for the hundredth time.

I couldn't believe how she could possibly think a man who cheated was right for us. Who's to say that he wasn't going to do it again? How did I know that he was suddenly going to walk down the straight and narrow?

I didn't. And that was what terrified me.

For all I knew Alarik could be off with some girl right then. For all I knew he could be with Hazel again. He doesn't stay with the same girl twice, I reminded myself.

That was the thing he had been known for when he was in school. Every girl had wanted another night, but he had only given them the one. How did I know that I was any different if it ever came to that? Alarik saw challenges, he didn't see women. For all I knew I could just be another notch on his belt. The thought made me sick to my stomach.

I heard a knock on the front door and I went out to open it. I was surprised when Alarik was standing on the other side.

"I just wanted you to know that I told my father no. I'm not marrying Hazel."

"And how did he take that?" I asked quietly, trying to hide the joy his words evoked in me. I knew he had heard my heart's small flutter though, it would have been impossible to miss.

"Not as well as it could have been, but it definitely could have been worse. My father knows about us now."

A flash of panic shot through me, sending a chill down my spine. His father knew we were mates. I knew someone needed to know, someone besides Cassie and Jason, but that didn't mean I had wanted his father to know. The Alpha of the pack knew I was the mate to his son. He knew I was the one standing between the marriage of Hazel and Alarik, the joining of the Trenton and O'Brian packs.

Alarik's hand reached out grabbing mine tightly. "It's alright. It's fine that he knows."

You might think it's fine, I wanted to snap at him, but I kept my mouth shut.

Alarik's touch worked it's way through my body, thawing out the chill his words had caused and that was when I knew I couldn't deny it any longer. I had that pull to him, most of me wanted to be with him. I just didn't know if I could trust that part of me, or him for that matter. And trust was what it all depended on here.

His hand tightened around mine and I could feel a similar insensity flowing from him to me. My mind started racing as I tried to sort out what I was feeling. It was like I was splitting into multiple directions, Alarik had lied to me, he had gone behind my back and cheated on me. However, he had come back to me and told the truth. I couldn't forget what he had done, not that quickly, but the longer my hand was in his, the more I lost focus on those points.

I felt my grip on the negatives start to slip away and I knew I should fight for those memories, I needed them. But in that moment I didn't want them. I just wanted to forget about everything and take in the moment.

I wanted this to work out between us. I had started to see a change in him, and I wanted to see what type of person he could become. His past was just so strong and present in my mind that it made it hard to forget it all unless I let the bond take over. I needed a place where those things no longer existed, so I welcomed the temporary loss, keeping the contact and pulling Alarik through the doorway, shutting the door behind him as I pulled him in.

We stumbled down the hall and into the living room, as I pulled him into me. My arms wrapped around his neck and our lips pressed together hard and hungry, yearning for the contact.

I felt it as Alarik backed into the couch, falling down onto it. I sat on his lap straddling him as our lips moved together, his tongue flicking out over my lips. I parted my mouth, allowing him entrance and he took advantage.

I felt his hands move around, sliding up under the back of my shirt as his tongue explored my mouth. My hands started to roam under his shirt and up his stomach as our mouths hungrily moved against each other.

I could feel him grow hard under me and his mouth moved from mine, trailing small kissed from my mouth, down my jaw and to my neck. He nipped the skin lightly causing a small groan to pass my lips and I felt him react.

I could hear his heart pounding in time with mine, both of us just as aroused as the other. He sucked on my neck in the same spot, moving just slightly to hit my sweet spot causing me to moan.

The haze clouded my mind. I couldn't remember a single thing. I had been angry with him before, but I couldn't remember why. I wasn't able to trust him, but in that moment, I didn't know why I shouldn't. I had been afraid to get close to him, but for the life of me I wasn't sure what I was afraid of. All I wanted was to be closer to him.

Alarik pulled back slightly, his voice gruff. "This is where I say something to mess it up isn't it?"

"Not if you just don't open your mouth to talk," I said back, with a shiver as I felt his breath pass by my ear.

I wanted desparately for him to just shut up and kiss me. Truthfully, I wanted more than that and I knew he did too.

Alarik pulled back more, his eyes searching my face, finding mine and holding my gaze.

"I can't do this Allison."

Couldn't to do what? He couldn't kiss me? He couldn't make out with me? He couldn't be close to me?

"I can't do this with you right now, it's just not right. I've hurt you and I know that. I've done some bad things, things that I feel horrible for. I can't just use this," he gestured at us talking about the bond. "To be with you like this."

"So you don't want-"

"It's not about what I want, Allison. It's about what you deserve and you don't deserve to be taken advantage like this because some bond is pulling you toward me. I know you and you wouldn't be doing this right now if you were thinking of your own accord. This isn't you right now."

"This is me," I shot back. "Is it so hard to believe that I just want to be with you right now?"

"Actually yes, it is hard to believe, which is why I'm stopping this."

I looked at Alarik in shock. He was stopping this, he wasn't going to keep going any further. I stood up in shock.

"When we continue this. It's not just going to be because of this bond." Alarik stood up, standing in front of me awkwardly. I don't think he had ever stepped away from a girl that had been ready and waiting for him.

"I had just wanted you to know that everything was being worked out with my father about the Hazel problem," he said.

Alarik this turned around and left, showing himself the way out. I just stared after him as the haze started to clear away, allowing my brain to take over once more. And I couldn't believe what I had just allowed myself to do.

**************

It seems Allison is back into giving into the urges of the bond. Hmmm. I guess we will have to wait and see where this takes her. And we will have to see what they come up with for the two packs.

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