In Hope Of Falling In Love (A Walking Dead Fanfic)

Chapter 56: Heaving Through Corrupted Lungs

"You fucking broke him and he's still the one apologising," Beth's head taunted. 

She sighed, taking another sip of her cool water, trying to ignore the voices in her head.

"You said you'd follow him into the deepest pits of hell but instead you dragged him there."

"Stop," Beth yelled to herself but the people around her immediately stopped and stared, including Daryl.

No one dared say anything, instead they all slowly returned to what they were doing; tending to children, eating, drinking, talking.

"Sorry," she said, looking across at the Sheriff's son who was staring at her in surprise and worry.

Carl shook his head. "Don't apologise, I understand. Since Aisylnn, I've been hearing all sorts of things. I mean, I guess it's normal. People die all the time and I suppose I'm used to it now. That's horrible though. I can't shed a tear for my girlfriend."

Beth stared at him, watching the emotionless face of the boy infront of him.

"I'm just... I'm - I'm having these horrible nightmares and so now I don't sleep, I feel like an insomniac. It's her fault, Aislynn. She knew that her dying would break me and she did it anyway. I've never forgive her for that, Beth. I'll never forgive her for twisting my insides and corrupting my lungs. I can't breathe without her, you know? Have you ever had someone like that? Like, when you kiss them, it's like you've been suffocating?"

"No," Beth snapped.

Carl stared then shrugged. "Well, that's what Aislynn is for me and I hate her for it. She's probably lying somewhere, chest not moving, and now it's happening to me and I hate her for it."

"It's okay to feel like that but you'll fall in love again, Carl."

"Yeah, will you?" he said loudly, challenging her. "Because, you broke up with the only guy that will ever make your heart skip a beat, that will kill you a little bit inside everytime he looks at you and sees your faults... Will you ever feel that again?"

Beth was quiet, absorbing Carl's words.

"There's only one guy that will ever set fire to your insides and he smokes cigarettes. He's the kind of person that would use you to light his smoke if you were on fire and you love him for it, don't you?"

"No, I was young and foolish-"

"Is that the same for Aislynn and I? Are we just young and foolish? Will I get over her because I'm youth? Can I not really fall in love because- because I'm young? Are you saying that what I felt for Aislynn wasn't real? We're made for eachother, you and I, Beth, because we're both empty and cruel. We were made for this world and what it is. We stopped breathing a long time ago and we burned our feelings at the first lost. We're made for eachother."

Beth nodded because she, of course, knew it was true. "Yes, we are." She met his eyes, all cold and frozen over, like an eternal winter. 

"Yeah," he agreed. "We're the survivings one. When everyone else is dead and gone, we'll be alive because you can't kill a silhoutte. You can't get rid of a shadow."

"You should be a kid, Carl. Not talking about this. You're missing out-"

"You're missing him."

Beth sighed, knowing he was right. "If I am?"

"Your heart aches around him; his heart breaks when he thinks about you. You did what you thought was good for you but it wasn't. You're dead and gone and you're without the one thing you really need. I can see the way your soul crumbles around him, like everyone does around their soulmate."

"Does your soul crumble around Aislynn?"

"No," he said. "And fair enough. I'm young, she's dead. It was never going to work out anyway."

She stared at him, trying to decipher the code hidden in his eyes. "You really don't miss her?" she asked, watching his cappuchino brown eyes for a flicker of emotion but none came.

"No," he replied. "I don't miss her."

"Do you love her?" she asked and for a split second an emotion flickered like a flame beneath his eyes but was gone quickly.

"No," he lied. "I didn't. Like you said about Daryl, she was comic relief. I was lonely and scared, she was single and easy."

Beth took in a deep breath. "Maybe we are really made for eachother, Carl. In a platonic way. I've outlived my whole family, I can't shed a tear. You lose your mother and countless friends, you can't shed a tear."

"Beth? I'm your family. I'm still alive."

She looked at him sadly, smiling. "Yeah, you are. So, I'm almost outlived my whole family, then, still can't shed a tear."

"We both fell for people who were broken and now we've paid the ultimate price. I guess it's true, what they say as soul mates being your friends."

"We're soulmates," Beth whispered. "I guess we should become better friends then, if the universe has fated us together, right?"

"Well, I could spend the rest of my lfie with you at my side, right? Could be worse, my soulmate could've been Daryl or Tyreese," he chuckled.

Beth smirked. "I really do love you Carl, okay? I mean, I thought you should hear that someone does. You're a good kid, you've always been one."

"I love you too, Beth," he smiled. "You're the best big sister someone could ask for."

"You're the best little brother someone could ask for."

 SEASON 5 IS BACK AND I CAN'T STOP SCREAMING. I JUST LOVE CARL SO MUCH, SORRY IF HE STARTS BEING IN THE STORY MORE THAN YOU'D LIKE. HE'S LIKE A MINI-YODA TO ME, I JUST LOVE HIM. HE'S MY CARL AND HE'S BEAUTIFUL.

ANYWAY, HOPE YOU LIKED THIS CHAPTER AS MUCH AS I ENJOYED WRITING IT!

LIVE LONG AND PROSPER GINGER-NOTS,

LOVE,

AMY!