Pretending to Be Andersen

Happy Unhappy Feelings

Vincent and I lounged about, tangled up in the warm blankets in the shed.

        Vincent's fingers trailed rows through my hair. I hummed Disney songs and drew silly designs on Vincent's chest with make-believe ink. The concept of time was unknown to us as we soaked up all we could of this moment together. These were the times where I was happy.

        Just as I finished the last swirl with my finger, there was a knock on the door. We froze for a moment, neither one of us expecting company.

        "Come in," Vincent groaned, pulling the blankets up over his bare chest.

        The metal sheeting slid open and Rebecca popped her head in, a bright smile on her face.

        "Sorry to bug y'all," she said, squeezing through the opening. "I wanted the chance to speak with Jasmine alone, if ya don't mind, Vinny."

        Vincent laughed. "I have so many nicknames, how will I ever keep track?" he mused, rolling himself in the blanket before stading up. "Vinny is probably among the best."

        "Oh, Walt wanted to see ya," she mentioned.

        "And I will go see what he wants." Out into the snow Vincent went, without his shoes or his shirt.

      Rebecca and I were quiet, listening for the sound of the back door closing. I guess she really wanted some privacy.

        "So things are really good between y'all?" the bacon-woman wondered.

        I nodded, not really sure what words I could string together to express myself properly.

        "Good, I'm glad. I've been tryin' to spend more time around the family--tryin' to get to know your hunnie better, ya know?" Rebecca scratched her nose with her left hand. "Things sure are changin'. Rather quickly, might I add..."

         That's when I saw it. Her left hand moved from side to side, rubbing her nose--the ornament was blindingly obvious. A pretty, diamond engagement ring adorned Rebecca's delicate third finger. She noticed my gaze and she beamed.

         "Oh my gosh!" I exclaimed, grabbing for her hand to get a better look. She eagerly gave it to me. "You guys are engaged?!"

        The Southern Belle giggled. "He proposed last night after everyone left the Theatre. He had this little video play after the movie credits and when I looked over at him, he was on his knee with a ring in his hand," she gushed.

        "And there was no question?" I wondered. I tried to imagine myself on the receiving end of a proposal, how I would react and what I would say. Silly, I know. Vincent and I were just barely starting a relationship.

        "Absolutely no question," she said without missing a beat. "Walter has matured so much. He's really started showin' how much he cares for me and he can provide for me."

        I nodded, thinking it over. I could see the change she mentioned in Walter. I saw the way he looked at her and the way he seemed so determined to do right by her. He even got a job at a law firm to get some experience in before he graduates in the spring. Really, it spoke volumes.

        "That's great! Congratulations. I'm so happy for you guys!" I said. I looked down at her ring again, taking in the details. "It's a huge ring."

        She smiled radiantly. "It is kinda big, ain't it?" she marveled, taking back her hand. "But I didn't just come here to tell you about us bein' engaged, ya know."

        "No?" The comment piqued my interest. If she didnn't come just to tell me about the engagement, what else could she have to say?

        "I wanted to ask you somethin' very special," she began, "I don't have any sisters and I've never really had any good female friends. But you are my friend and a really good one. You are a big reason Walter and I are even together again. I guess I can just cut to the chase and ask you: will you be my Maid of Honor?"

        My face must have reflected my feelings because Rebecca laughed. A rush of emotions flooded through me all at once after I got over the initial shock until I settled on the one overpowering all others. Joy. What an honor was this to even be asked? I almost couldn't contain myself.

        "Of course I will! I can't believe you even asked!" I exclaimed, clasping my hands over hers.

        "Oh, good. I thought I was goin' to have to ask one of my cousins," she sighed, relieved. "I'm still goin' to need 'em for bridesmaids--what with Walter having so many brothers, not to mention my brothers, too."

        "It's going to be a huge wedding," I mumbled.

        "You have no idea," Rebecca replied.

 *                      *                        *

Rebecca, Walter, and I spent the majority of the day together in my room, talking over minor wedding plans--like who was going to be in the wedding and what everyone was going to do in the wedding. Zach, Walter decided, would be the Best Man, but he was out with friends so he didn't even know.

        When the small talk was over, Walter and Rebecca left me to spread the word of their good news. They were so happy and so excited. Just a little over six months and there would be a wedding.

        As I sat in my room alone, I began to imagine the time of year I would have my wedding. I don't think I would pick June like Walter and Rebecca.

        I liked winter. I could see myself standing in a hall watching the snow fall outside--

        And the pain hit me like a rock then, nearly knocking me over.

        Memories of playing dress up as a child surged to the front of my mind. Whenever I wanted to be a bride, I always made my dad play with me so he could walk me down the aisle. My dad wasn't around to do that anymore.

        I was silly for even imagining a happy wedding.

        "There you are!" Vincent's exclaimed, peeking around the hallway corner. "I thought you might have been in the shed again." He came closer, opening his arms to wrap around me.

        I pulled away. "Leave me alone, please," I whispered, not really up for spending time with him all of a sudden.

        Vincent stopped dead in his tracks, his arms still encircling me but not yet touching me. I didn't look up to try to read his face. He must have been confused.

        I pulled myself free and rolled over onto my bed, burying myself in my blankets.

        The pressure of Vincent's hand on the blanket felt unusually heavy. He wanted to know what happened and I didn't know how to even begin explaining it.

        It was a moment before Vincent left the room.

        My chest felt tight.

        I threw the blankets off of me and ran to the nearest window. I yanked it up, letting the cool winter air fill my lungs.

        How was I going to do this?