Worried that his son was spending too much money on dates, a Father asked the boy how much his last date had cost.
The son thought for a minute and then replied, "Oh, about $15 I think."
"Well," said the Father, "I'm proud of you for finally coming up with an inexpensive evening."
"To be honest Dad," the son went on, "We'd have spent more, but that was all the money she had."


Money is not everything.
There's Mastercard & Visa.

One should love animals.
They are so tasty.

Save water.
Shower with your friend.

Love thy neighbor.
But don't get caught.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman.
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

A successful man is one who can earn more than his wife can spend.
A Successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Wise never marry.
And when they marry they become otherwise.

Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.

Never put off the work till tomorrow.
What you can put off today.


A blonde's car breaks down on the Interstate one day, so she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Out of the trunk jump two men in trench coats who walk to the rear of the vehicle where they stand facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats and exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers. Not surprisingly, one of the worst pileups in the history of this highway occurs. It's not very long before a police car shows up. The cop, clearly enraged, runs toward the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What the heck is going on here?"
"My car broke down," says the lady, calmly.
"Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?" asks the cop...
"Those are my emergency flashers!" she replied.


Ralph Klein was cleaning his office, when he found a lamp. He then rubbed it and a genie appeared. The genie said, "You have three wishes that I will grant you."
He first wishes for a cold can of beer.
Poof!! A can of beer appears.
He then wished that he could be on a tropical island, surrounded by young and beautiful women.
Poof!! He was on a tropical island, surrounded by young and beautiful women.
Then he thought, wow this is great! He then wishes he never has to work again.
Poof!! He's back in his office.


Things That Make You Go Hmmm...
1. It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
2. Just remember... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
3. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
4. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
5. You can't have everything, where would you put it?
6. Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
7. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
8. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.
10. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
11. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
12. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
13. I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.
14. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
15. When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
16. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.


Signs you may be a Canadian
1. You stand in "line-ups" not lines.
2. You're not offended by the tem, "Homo Milk".
3. You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a napkin, I just spilled my poutine".
4. You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
5. You drink pop, not soda.
6. You know what it means to be on pogey.
7. You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at the camp,eh!!".
8. You can drink legally while still a teen.
9. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
10. You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel with good cigars and no Americans.