I'm currently reading Memoirs of a Ruthless Heartbreaker in my mobile library while waiting for Crossing the Line 2's update. kaya I thought of dedicating this to miss Mara ahehe. I'll be forever a silent reader ahehehehe.
Life goes on.
That's what I chant to myself every morning when I wake up to start a new day. A new day without Kean. Another week had passed and still no sign of him. Why does this feel like deja vu? Should I give him more time? Maybe I was too hard on him? I couldn't expect a person to change overnight... But how long should I wait for him to come back? Well that tells it all. Maybe he doesn't love me as much as I thought he does. Maybe those three words he said that night was just his hormones talking.
So what else is there to do but move on, right?. Why stay being a fool for someone, if that someone wouldn't be a fool for you in return?. So this time, it's for real. I WILL move on.
I did all the distractions I could think of: I changed my cellphone number, had a whole body makeover, acted busy at work, went to all the get together with friends, watched dramas for an excuse to bawl my eyes out, and of course, ate a lot of junk foods and sweets.
There are also times when I stare emotionless at a distance for hours, run in circles in my bedroom, count the strands of my hair, and bang my head repeatedly on a wall.. KIDDING! My heart may be broken, but I'm still no psycho! Neither suicidal, mind you. I had vowed to myself that I should set aside my emoness and pessimism so I could move on. Because I know that I may be a mess now, but tomorrow I will be better and stronger. It may not be easy, but who said it will be? What matters is that the idea of moving on started from ME. I knew that in order to move on, I should want this more than anyone else and I, myself should ACT on it. So I bid depression farewell and kicked its huge butt out of my life. GOOO ME!
----- One Month Later-----
I was at work when I felt my stomach ache. Then the vomiting started. I think I ate a lot at lunch time, or my ulcer is acting up. My co-workers were concerned for me. They thought this was an after effect of my 'sickness' from last month. I hadn't have the guts to tell them that the 'sickness' was a lie. Besides, why would I experience an after effect if the 'sickness' happened last month? That doesn't make sense.
"baka naman buntis ka?" my co-worker asked.
"ano ka ba! Si Arianne yan! Ang conservative niyan masyado, paano mabubuntis yan" said by my other co-worker.
Eventually, my boss told me to go home and rest since I couldn't be productive at work.
At home, I vomit bucketloads of goop. I felt nauseous and paranoid at the same time. What the heck is wrong with me? I know I have ulcer, but it wasn't the GERD (Gastroesophageal reflux disease) kind. Maybe this is food poisoning? A lot of diseases ran in circles in my mind, I got more nauseous thinking of it.
My parents arrived seeing me at my worst. And they decided to bring me to the hospital. At that point, I was too weak to refuse. I think I lost a lot of fluids from vomiting.
When we arrived at the Emergency Room, the nurse injected me with an antiemetic and put a dextrose on me. Also, the doctor asked a lot of questions such as what I did and what I ate.
Then they gave me a specimen cup for me to put my urine on. The doctor said they need to know if I'm pregnant.
My mom became indignant.
"Doc! Di na niya kailangan magpa urine test! Single pa siya, SINGLE. How can she get pregnant!"
"misis. Pasensiya na po, it's part of our hospital procedure. She can sign the waiver if she refuses to do the urine test."
"it's ok." I said. "I'll do it."
My mom looked at me. I couldn't look at her in the eye.
"why Arianne, is there something I need to know?"
My mom's eyes narrowed.
*ehem* The doctor intervened. "so Miss Arianne after the result of the urine test and some other procedures, we may solve if this is your ulcer or something else. Nothing to worry about."
My mom scoffs. "why do I feel like I have something to worry about."
I was too weak to argue. I just did what the doctor told me. I wasn't really worried. Well, maybe a little. Okay fine, a LOT. I didn't really thought that I may be pregnant. I have a kinda irregular period, so I don't really track my period much. Sometimes it comes too early or too late. So I thought this month it's just in the too late category. I ignored my mom while we were both waiting for the results. I know my parents will kill me if I am pregnant. Maybe even disown me. But whatever may happen, one thing I was sure of. I will keep the baby... If I really will have one. A baby. Such a scary thought. I caressed my stomach and thought of the possibilities...