I Can't Live Without You [BoyXBoy]

Chapter 2

My mother stands in the doorway, not my father. She tries to hide her shock, but I already saw it flash in her eyes. A slight smile crosses her lips as she looks between Alex and me. 

"I always knew there was something going on between the two of you." She says. She's not angry, but more understanding. Mom accepts people for who they are, and doesn't judge them by who they love or what they like. 

I laugh nervously and glance at Alex who has shoved his hands in his pockets and looks terrified and relived at the same time. Looking back at Mom I ask, "Did Dad see?" 

She shakes her head. "He's passed out on the couch." Dad is an alcoholic. He can also get abusive when he's drunk, so basically all the time. He beats Mom, and no matter how hard I try to convince her she won't leave him. I can beg and plead all day, but it won't do any good. I nod and look at the floor, then at Alex. 

"So," I say in the awkwardness of the moment, completely aware of my mother standing next to me. Adrenaline from the kiss still rushes through my veins and I want more of him. 

"So," Alex shifts uncomfortably from one foot to the other, not knowing what to do. 

Mom breaks in. "I'm going to go in and, um, check on your father, Gabe. You come in when you're ready." She's gone back inside our house before I have a chance to respond. 

Alex looks at me. "You're mom doesn't seem too freaked out." 

"No, but she's going to want to talk about this." I take a step closer because I hate not having near me. 

"What did she mean when she said that she knew something was going on between us?" 

I sigh into the cold February night and watch as my breath puffs up into smoke and evaporates in the frigid air. "I have no idea. Maybe I'm just not good at hiding my feelings?" 

"No, your really not." He teases me with an easy grin. I smile and stick my tongue out at him. "So, Gabe, where does this leave us?" 

I cock my head slightly to the side and ask, confused, "What do you mean?" 

Alex takes my hand and I look into his gorgeous grey eyes that sparkle under the porch light. "After the kiss, I think it's clear that we can't be just friends. And your mom seems okay with it. Or at least she's not against it." 

"Against what?" I have a feeling that he's talking about us being in a serious relationship together, but just in case he isn't I don't want him to think that I desperately want and need him. Even though I really do. 

"Against us. She doesn't hate the idea of us being together. I don't know if she loves it, but..." He stops talking; leaving me extremely curious about what he was going to say. 

"But what?" 

"But I don't care what people think." Alex says, completely serious. "I love you, and I want to be with you. I don't care that your dad is against gays, against us, he doesn't need to know. You and I both know that there is no way we can go back to being just friends. Neither of us wants that." 

"I know, but..." I trail off, not knowing what to say. Is there anything holding me back from Alex? There's my dad, but Alex is right, he doesn't need to know. And I don't want to be just friends. It'd be too weird, especially now that I'm certain I love him. Of course I want more, how could I not? 

Catching my hesitation, Alex tilts my chin up so that I'm looking into his eyes again. "But nothing," he says gently. "Gabriel, be mine?" 

I want to scream yes and tell him that of course I'll be his, but for some reason I can't. Maybe it's the images of my father floating in my head. I can already hear him yelling in his drunken rage. I can already feel the punch of his fist on my stomach. 

He's keeping me from saying yes, but I'm keeping myself from saying no. If I don't answer Alex right now, will he think I'm rejecting him? If I tell him I need to think about it, will he rethink the fact that I love him? Will he start to doubt me? 

Instead of answering, I take a step closer to Alex and take in his body heat. I drape one arm around his neck and place my other hand over his heart. He wraps his arms protectively around my waist, and we just stand here for a while. Maybe a few minutes, maybe a few hours, I'm not sure. I close my eyes and take in his presence and the fact that he's still here. The fact that he's still holding me.

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