quotes of over 20 simpson's episodes

[Homer falls off the roof whilst trying to hang Christmas lights]

Homer: Alright kids, prepare to be dazzled. Marge! Turn on the juice!

[Marge turns on the Christmas lights, and the results are less than spectacular. One bulb even blows out]

Homer: Well, what do you think kids? Beauty, isn't it?

Lisa: Nice try dad.

Bart: Ugh...

[Marge shows Homer that the christmas money jar is empty because of Bart]

Homer: [gasps and screams] Oh! It's true! The jar is empty! Oh my God! We're ruined. Christmas is cancelled. No presents for anyone!

[edit] Bart the Genius [1.02]

Mrs Krabappel: Now I don't want you to worry, class. These tests will have no effect on your grades. They merely determine your future social status and financial success... if any.

Principal Skinner: Hmm. Whoever did this is in very deep trouble!

Martin: And a sloppy speller, too. The preferred spelling of wiener is W-I-E-N-E-R, although E-I is an acceptable ethnic variant.

Principal Skinner: Good point.

Homer: Doc, this is all too much. I mean, my son, a genius - how does it happen?

Dr. Pryor: Well, genius-level intelligence is usually the result of hereditary and environment... [sees Homer staring blankly] although in some cases it's a total mystery.

Marge: Bart, this is a big day for you - why don't you eat something a little more nutritious?

Homer: Nonsense, Marge! Frosted Krusty Flakes are what got him where he is today. It could be one of these chemicals here that makes him so smart. Lisa, maybe you should try some of this.

Marge: Homer!

Homer: I'm just saying, why not have two geniuses in the family? Sort of a spare in case Bart's brain blows out.

Homer: Jeez. No beer, no opera dogs...

Homer: I bet Einstein turned himself all sorts of colors before he invented the light bulb.

Martin: I hope you won't bear some sort of simple-minded grudge against me. I was merely trying to fend off the desecration of the school building.

Bart: Eat my shorts.

Martin: Pardon?

Homer: Go on boy, and pay attention, because if you do, one day you may achieve something that we Simpsons have dreamed about for generations - you may outsmart someone.

Lisa: I think Bart's stupid again, Mom.

Marge: Oh, well...

[edit] Homer's Odyssey [1.03]

Moe: I don't think you're ever going to get another job and be able to pay me back.

Bart: All he does is lie there like an unemployed whale.

Lisa: I don't know what else to do.

[Maggie pokes him in the eye]

Bart: There's only one thing we can do. Take advantage of the guy. [Holds up a report card] I need you to sign this, Homer.

Homer: Damn it! I'm no supervising technician. I'm a technical supervisor. It's too late to teach this old dog new tricks.

Smilin' Joe Fission: I'll just put it where nobody'll find it for a million years.