Phil was sat at the coffee shop, sipping quietly. He actually just wanted a drink but knew he needed to stop.
He never liked hurting Dan. Obviously he hated it, but every single time he would hurt Dan, Phil had previously drowned his fears and anger in alcahol.
He was afraid.
Afraid that soon Dan would stop liking him.
And somehow, he drowned those worries and ended up hurting the one that he loved.
He needed help.
~
When Phil got home, the house was silent, which wasn't a suprise as Dan never liked to make a sound anymore.
Phil hadn't drunk anything in a day or two so he was completly sober and had sober thoughts.
But as soon as he saw Dan in a pool of pills, his thoughts were all over the place.
A choked shriek left his mouth as he ran towards the boy.
~
Dan Howell was in a coma for almost three weeks.
Phil in the meantime, had attended councelling every single day. To say that he was a changed man in those few days would have been a big fat lie.
He was changing. In his opinion, he would never do it again. Recovering from his alcaholic past, with his councellor helping him every step of the way.
So a month later when the doctors were losing hope, Dan finally opened his eyes.
By this time, Phil was almost a completly different person. He would attend councelling once every week and it would help so much more.
But the thing is, Dan never knew all this.
Dan still saw Phil as a monster.
And when he came through those doors from the few hours of him being conscious, Dan screamed.
Shreiked.
And begged.
"P-P-PLEASE NO DON'T H-HURT ME PLEASE P-PHIL NO!" He screamed in pain.
Phil stood back in horror, running out of the room and doctors rushed in.
After two more weeks had passed full of allegations and confirmations, Phil was allowed to see Dan again since his attendance for councelling made his position stable.
Dan sat up, feeling healthier than a few weeks ago, however as soon as Phil walked into the room, the colour drained from his face.
"P-P-P-Phil?" He choked out in a whisper.
"D-Dan. Please, please listen to me. Let me talk to you, please." Phil rushed out.
Dan bit his lip but nodded fearfully.
"Okay...so, I can't say I want to move back in with you because i've changed, of course I want to but you need to earn my trust first."
Dan nodded thoughtfully.
"I've taken councelling. I have been for...for quite a few months now. It's helped and I am so fucking sorry. I know, you should never take someone back who's hurt you, so I want to be friends. Is that okay? Just friends, and if you ever feel intimidated, I will personally give you my phone to call whoever the hell you want to call for help. Or even a chaperone everywhere we go, because if that's what it takes, i'll do it. Can we try to be friends again. Please Dan." Phil begged.
Dan let out a small sigh. "I-I-I said in the l-letter I wrote, that I still love y-you."
Phil smiled and nodded sadly. "I know, and I you. So much, but I won't allow myself to simply ignore the past, it's hurt you so much. So I want to start by just repatching our friendship."
"Okay."
~Two year later~
Dan still lived with parents and hadn't moved back in with Phil. It wasn't because he didn't trust him because the past loyalty and commitment Phil has shown has been impecable.
Dan was just taking it extra slow.
Although, it was as if his love for Dan had doubled. He constantly got butterflies and red-faced around Phil. They would always get lost in eachothers eyes too.
Dan knew Phil still felt guilty. He would try not to get too close, but Dan wanted him to. He was the old Phil without the alcahol, which Dan had soon figured out.
So that helped forgiving Phil a little bit easier.
By now, Dan wanted to get back together with Phil. Maybe wait a while before moving back with him, but Dan still loved him.
"P-Phil?" Dan asked one day when they were both sipping at theit hot drinks in the coffee shop.
"Yeah?" Phil answered, still lost in Dan's eyes.
Dan giggled softly. "You're lost in my eyes again."
"S-Sorry." Phil blushed, coughing awkwardly.
"So, I-I-If you still wanted to, I was wondering if you wanted to get back together with me?"
Phik's eyes widened in amazement and shock. "OH MY GOD!" He shrieked excitedly, hugging Dan across the table as tears escaped his eyes rapidly.
"THANK YOU, T-THANK YOU SO SO MUCH D-DAN."
Dsn grinned. "You're so cute. Also...I still love you."
Phil pulled apart, a small sigh passing through his chapped lips. "I know it's hard to believe, but I never stopped and...I've never loved you more right now ."
