Chasing the Addiction

Crawling in a Hole

"I feel lost inside myself."

~~~~~~~~~~~~.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Reality is now pushing me away, shoving me towards abyss, a foreign place where nothing exists

But in a way it's kind of nice

The worry that once seeped through to my core has been lifted carefully

The weight is gone, but it leaves my body floating since there's nothing there anymore to keep me down

It's peaceful here

My thoughts can roam free and my mind can finally be put to rest

I'm alone, but haven't I always been?

My family and friends were just mere distractions

Trying to make me believe I was surrounded by love

When, in fact, they were never there

Physically, sure they were

But were they there when all those thoughts began sprouting in my mind, the curious questions that kept me up all night?

The only person who ever truly understood my yearning for change was Andrew

He is now only a cloud in the imaginary sky I created in my mind

Not sure I'll ever return to him now

Was this blackness death?

Is this the absolute end for me?

The end of the road, a dead end?

Hmm, rather disappointing

Then again what did I really expect?

There couldn't possibly be a good place for lost minded people such as I

This is what I get for making impulsive choices, right?

An endless stretch of clear blue skies like the ocean couldn't be offered to a girl who defied her parents and shot poison into her veins, correct?

All I want is wings, could someone spare me a pair?

Or do I not deserve a second chance; a redemption?

~~~~~~~~~~~~.~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The dark clouds finally parted after who knows how long a bright light filled my vision

I'm confused, am I finally getting my second chance?

My eyelids slowly fluttered and popped open,

Embracing the light and my current surroundings

It was just your cliche hospital room

I was greeted by blank faces and the loud beep of a faraway machine

Never thought I'd find myself in this situation

My parents are at my side immediately, but their faces are empty of emotion

Mom's makeup is still perfectly intact

Dad's suit is wrinkle-free

No hugs or welcoming smiles

Again, what did I expect?

"How could you do this to us? What's happened to you, Eve?"

And finally,

"Do you know what this will do to your family's reputation?"

There it is; the truth

I suppose the only thing they truly care about

Not my health or the one thing that props me up and keeps me from falling

I'm referring to love, something they lack greatly

A horrible trait they're slowly growing on me

Get me out of here, screw my redemption

~~~~~~~~~~~~.~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And the birds keeps singing,

 

~angel~