The Top 16 Signs You're on a Mafia Hit List

16> Your waiter wails in anguish as he tosses you the menu from
the kitchen.

15> Your plan to skim protection money was brilliant, unlike your
infomercial telling others how to do likewise.

14> AOL calls to tell you your ID has been changed to
SammyTheWeasel.

13> Brakes seem squishy, accelerator's kinda stuck, and there's
a half-eaten canolli in your ashtray.

12> Three days in a row, you've thrown the Don's newspaper
underneath the lawn sprinkler.

11> Late payment notice for that $33.5 million loan pinned to
horse's head in your golf cart.

10> When making fun of his hair, you didn't realize that "Don"
is not Mr. King's name, it's his title.

9> Much too late, you realize that your "Italian loafers" comment
was misinterpreted.

8> "I'm afraid you've TP'd Mr. Sinatra's estate for the last time,
my friend."

7> The sales guy at Thom McKann keeps steering you toward the Nike
"Concrete Jordans."

6> Tiny pieces of Jimmy Hoffa keep showing up in your salad.

5> New Dominos delivery guy is in his mid-50's, and he's wearing
a white suit with a black shirt.

4> The Witness Protection Program finds you a nice flat in Sicily.

3> The Don recommends you try the Fettucine Olestra.

2> Not only have you received the "kiss of death," but also the
"pat on the butt of death," the "hand on your knee of death,"
and now the "genital fondle of death."

and the Number 1 Sign You're on a Mafia Hit List...

1> The prostitute's head you found in your bed can only be the
work of Tony "Hard of Hearing" Mancuso.


This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc.
The Top Five List top5@walrus.com http://www.topfive.com
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Unknown

You know you are no longer a kid when..


Just one peanut butter and jelly sandwich doesn't do it any
more.

Driving a car doesn't always sound like fun.

The average ten-year-old doesn't have a clue who Bo and Luke
Duke are.

Being bad is no longer cool.

You have friends who have kids.

Saturday mornings are for sleeping.

You are taller than the slide at the McDonald's playland.

Your parents' jokes are now funny.

You have once said, "Whatch-you talkin' 'bout Willis?"

You have owned, and since disowned Michael Jackson's Thriller.

Christmas starts to piss you off.

You would rather wear your dirty clothes again, 'cause mom is
not there to do your laundry anymore.

Two words: parachute pants

Naps are good.

Hitting girls is no longer considered flirting.

You have onced deemed Space Invaders as "The best game ever".

When you know that the machines in gas s...

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