FIVE REASONS COMPUTERS MUST BE FEMALE

5. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to
memory for future reference.

3. The native language used to communicate with other computers
is incomprehensible to everyone else.

2. The message, "Bad command or filename," is about as informative as
"If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not
going to tell you."

1. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.



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Top 10 Added Scenes for The Lost World Director's Cut

10. Jeff Goldblum's other Asian 10-year old soccer playing son stows
aboard for the adventure, thankfully saving everyone from a Raptor
with his ball dribbling skills.

9. The T-Rex crosses the border from San Diego, thus wreaking havoc
on and destroying Tijuana - fortunately it's an improvement.

8. Instead of having to actually walk to the Control Center, Vince
Vaughn uses the Mercedes' wire pulley system to pull it across the
island to them.

7. Jeff Goldblum wires a Speak N' Spell, a saw blade, an umbrella and
an old record player together in order to call home and get help.

6. Richard Attenborough's heart wrenching scene in which he molds a
large pile of dinosaur feces and exclaims, "This means something!"

5. A cameo scene in which Will Smith appears to help Jeff Goldblum
and exclaims, "Those are mother-fucking dinosaurs!"

4. The small, green, flocking creatures join the T-Rex aboard the
ship to San Diego, where they disguise themselves as vibrating
stuffed-animals, of which a shortage soon-after occurs - causing a
violent and heart-pumping climax in Toys-R-Us.

3. Due to their constant viewing of the original JURASSIC PARK, the
incredibly intelligent Raptors quickly realize the sequel is
exactly the same, locate the humans, and kill them all.

2. Vince Vaugn chastizes Pete Postlewaithe for employing Jeff
Goldblum's daughter to polish the insides of his gun barrels, just
because her hands are small enough.

1. The re-attachment of the originally shot ending, in which Jeff
Goldblum uses a Macintosh Powerbook to upload a biological virus
through his cell phone to the T-Rex, thus killing them and saving
the world from destruction.



**********************
AND YOU THINK YOU'VE HAD A TOUGH DAY?!!

The following is taken from a Florida newspaper:

A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the
house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle
and
somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the
handlebars, was dragged through ...

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