JOKES N' HUMOUR

Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?
Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sum Wan .And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know u are someone and u want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother, Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital from the accident that isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Lee.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

------------------------------

Dr. Seuss' lost tongue twister

See if you can do this:
Read each line aloud

This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is dumb cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat

Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top
Betcha you can't resist passing it on.

------------------------------

FIREMAN
A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife ,"You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station:
BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets,
BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole,
BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go.
"From now on when I say BELL 1, I want you to strip naked. When I say BELL 2, I want you to jump in bed.
And when I say BELL 3, we are going to make love all night."
The next night he came home from work and yelled,
"BELL 1!" The wife promptly took all her clothes off.
When he yelled "BELL 2!", the wife jumped into bed.
When he yelled "BELL 3!", they began making love.
After a few minutes the wife yelled "BELL 4!"
"What the hell is BELL 4?" asked the husband?
"ROLL OUT MORE HOSE," she replied, "YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE."

------------------------------

Math student's love letter!!!

My Dear Love,

Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane. There I saw you with your cute circular face, conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your triangular garden.
Before seeing you, my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated.

My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me. The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity. I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity.
You are as essential to me as an element to a set. The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality. My love, if you do n ot meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10.
With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.

------------------------------

Patient:Doctor,I feel so sick I want to die!
Doctor: Don't worry, Just leave that job to me.

------------------------------

Doctor, Doctor everyone keeps throwing me in the garbage.
Don't talk rubbish!

------------------------------

A dentist's patient was grumbling about the fee. "Two hundred rupees for pulling out a tooth!," she exclaimed. "And it's only a minute's work."
"Well, if you wish," the dentist said, "I'll pull it out slowly."

------------------------------

Customer: When I bought this cat, you told me he was good for mice.
He doesn't go near them! Shopkeeper: Well, isn't that good for mice?
Patient: "How can I ever repay you for your kindness to me?"
Doctor: "By cheque, money order, or cash."

------------------------------

Lady to the doctor over the phone. " Doctor, I beg of you, please prescribe me something immediately to reduce my weight. My husband has given me a wonderful birthday present, and I can't get into it. "
Doctor:" Just come over here tomorrow, and I shall give you a prescription. Then you will soon be able to wear your wonderful new dress."
Lady: " Who said anything about a dress? I am talking of car."