I had for the past years Alec to consume my every thought and breath as a vampire. He was my life now. I knew I would always love Edward, way too deeply for Alec to ever know, but he had obviously moved on, and so have I. Edward could never know about my feelings, the feeling that were both released by the lullaby and the ones I had built over the time I had spent with him in the previous weeks. No one would know about my current memory situation. They would still think I was the ignorant Bella I had become, not knowing about my human life, and more importantly, the Cullen's past I shared with them. And as I took an unnecessary breath I realised they would never know. It would be secret I shall keep forever.
Even though I now realised my love for Edward, it still didn't change my feelings for Alec. I did still love him. Loosing your memory doesn't change how you may feel about someone. Alec, technically, has been in my life longer than Edward. I had done everything with Alec which I never did with Edward. Not only am I engaged to Alec, but I lost my virginity to him and spent every intense moment over the last 1000 years by his side.
But I couldn't help but wonder if it wasn't for the fact I was engaged with Alec, and Edward didn't have another, would I stay with Alec? Or would I go back to Edward? I laughed. Of course I would stay with Alec. He lived in Volterra and accepted the Volturi way, Edward did not. I needed to stay here now, forever and always. I was queen and it was my duty. I could never run away with Edward and the Cullen's, no matter how much I wished I could.
No. I would continue like nothing had changed. No one would know and the wedding tomorrow will continue as planned. I will say 'I do' to Alec then spend the night in his arms away from here. Edward will return to only god knows where, and things will eventually die down. Life will just continue as always.
My decision would please all who were currently in the walls of Volterra. It's what Aro would convince me to do if I went to him, and its what, I believe, Alec and Edward would be happy with.
Yet why is there a part of me screaming, telling me it's wrong?
"Bella!" I heard Jane yell as she ran up the hill towards me. "How long have you been up here?"
"Oh never mind. Come on, it's around sunrise, that only leaves just under 10 hours to get you ready!" Jane pulled me to my feet and started tugging me towards Volterra.
She only sighed, "Your wedding. Now no more talking! Your one true love is waiting for hand!"
I followed her, but her words ran strong. She knew, and so did I now, that Alec was not my one true love. Edward was once that person, and will always be one of my loves, but as life changed, he became lost behind Alec's charm and romance. And he is not the one I would be saying 'I do' to later today.
And so the processes began. Make up, hair, final alterations to the dress then photo after photo with people in my bridal party. All of which seemed to fly by. And yet, as the hours passed, I couldn't shake my nerves and the unsettling feeling inside.
Finally it was time. I stood in my change room waiting for Jane to come collect me to escort me to the door which I would walk out to the ceremony outside. I looked at myself in the full length mirror. My dress was from France and unlike my coronation dress (which had to be traditional), this one was more modern and more like me. It flowed down with a softly beaded curved neckline and spaghetti straps. The bodice was encrusted with crystal beaded lace appliqués. The tulle skirt flowed out behind me nicely and the gold colour of the dress matched my hair perfectly. My hair was put up with three or four white flowers. With a small stand hanging down my side, my hair was both elegant and beautiful. I could ask for a more perfect outcome.
The bridesmaids on the other-hand, who consisted of Jane, Alice, Rose, Esme, and other women from Volterra, wore a brown cocktail like dress. With a bow around the middle under a band, accompanied with simple high heal shows, they all looked beautiful.
Alice had spent the morning arguing with Jane over every small detail of my appearance. And yet every so often I couldn't help notice the looks she sent me. Almost knowingly. I had a pain in the pit of my stomach which told me she knew of my understanding of my past. It wasn't impossible. With Alice's powers she could have seen it all. But I had all trust in her to keep it to her self.