The Firefly Field Theory

|1| Honesty And Other Types of Negative Thinking: Part I

A/N

Hello Dear Reader, If you enjoy my work do drop a vote and comment, I have written my story and posted it up here with an intention to amuse you and perhaps land a few punches on your conscience. If I do succeed in my goals, I would consider this story a success.

So let me know if I win:)

Also this chapter is dedicated to one of my first supporters makk001! Thank you for helping me out :)

Yours Truly,

Blisterinthesun(Username inspired from the song by Violent Femmes!)

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PART I

Guess I could give it a shot. Seems reasonable. No way, this is crazy talk; there is no way this could ever work.

But how will I know if I don't even try, I'm doing it.

I move absolutely no muscle in my body after the apparently determined declaration.

Well come on then, do it already.

Still nothing.

Me: But what if it doesn't work?

My Inner Voice :Well now you consider it?

Me: Do you think it is going to hurt?

My Inner Voice: Try it!

Me: Wait weren't you opposing me a minute ago?

My Inner Vioce: JUST DO IT!

Before this moment much like the common man, I rested my faith in a widely accepted belief-never can your inner voice possibly use the reverse psychology method on you. It being your inner voice and all, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

I believed that no matter who sabotages you, it's your inner voice that will come to your rescue. I'd be damned but right now that is so not true. My inner voice has to be as fickle as I am. I hereby disapprove that belief completely.

Ten minutes, just ten minutes, no sweat.

I look up hopefully at the ticking wall clock and the seconds hand counters my new found optimism.

But my resolve begins to sway sooner than I expected. Holy Lord, how do people do this? This should be some banned practice in the US, it's the mother of taboo.

I'm still five minutes away from victory when I start to shiver, my palate goes numb and my teeth ache in their roots. A severe brain freeze emerges at the base of my skull making my head feel like an inflated baloon of frozen nitrogen. I'm only on the verge of thinking -I hope mom doesn't show up at my door, when I hear a knock.

"Sam, let's go I'm waiting."

Shit.

"bommb..I'm komin!" That doesn't sound like I half intended it to sound, but it has to be the best I can do considering the situation. She opens the door even though I told her I'm 'komin' and her mouth drops open in surprise.

I don't know exactly how many years she's going to take to realize that she should stop underestimating me. Seems like I never fail to surprise her and sadly she never fails to look any less surprised.

There are two things that need immediate mentioning,1.Ever since I was an adorable little toddler, regardless of the time, place or dimension whenever I found myself thinking I really don't want mom to see this, I swear on Fruit Loops cereal, regardless of the time, place or dimension my mom has never and I mean ever, failed to show up. I call it the 'Perverted Law of Attraction to Dimwits'.