I was waiting outside for her... again.
There really isn't much I can do to stop her. It's a reoccurring cycle and every time it happens a part of my soul dies.
Every lie, laugh and tear that came from her succeeded in making feel worthless and stupid.
After all, I'm the friend not the girlfriend. My opinion matters to her but she never takes my advice. I am a lone wolf.
She rushes out of his apartment building towards my car and I can tell she's been crying again. They always make her cry. Or pissed. Oh they make Rachel happy, for a while, before they treat her like crap. She can never break the cycle.
She could if she really wanted to. I'm never an option. Nor will I ever be an option.
Friendship should always come before romantic feelings, right? That's how we rationed it to ourselves. I'd take her anyway I could.
And now you know I'm the world's biggest sap. And cliche.
There's never enough time in the day to really say everything I think nor is there enough time to do everything I want to do. I never factored Michelle in. I don't even think that she factored me in. Brody's was that bar in town that was either a hit or a miss. The night that I'm going to talk about was both.
It started as a regular night at Brody's. I was sitting at the bar with Rachel to my left. She was talking to some guy who had just bought her a drink. I couldn't help but glance over to a dark corner where a woman was seated by herself. She was shrouded in shadows and the light that was illuminating the booth next to her shined off her black hair. I remember glancing over to Rachel and seeing her throw her head back and laugh. I think that's what cinched it.
I threw back the rest of my drink and stood up. I vaguely recall Rachel not even glancing in my direction. I ordered another drink before walking over to her. The girl in the corner. I took a sip of my drink as I made my way over. I walked around the tiny dance floor that had only a couple of people dancing on it. After what seemed like a trek, I remember standing in front of her and looking into her eyes. Her eyes are always the first thing I see.
"I saw you sitting over here by yourself and was wondering if I could join you."
She raised an eyebrow at me and smiled a little. She gestured to the booth across from her. I sat down apprehensively and then took another sip of my drink.
"Did your girlfriend ditch you?"
I knew that my eyes widened in disbelief without realizing it.
"My girlfriend? Rachel? No,no she isn't. My girlfriend that is."
She smiled at me.
"That makes me a lucky lady then. You looked miserable and I was hoping you would walk over."
I smiled back at her. Her smile, it seemed, was contagious.
"I'm Emily."
She reached out and took my hand softly.
"I'm Michelle."
Two hours and five and a half drinks later I was sitting in the backseat of a taxi, going home with her. Now, I want you to know right now that in no way is this a regular thing for me. I've only hooked up with someone I just met one other time. Michelle was different somehow. She held my hand on the way, thumb rubbing my hand over and over again in reassuring strokes. It made me want to get my hands on her. Made me sweat with the anticipation of what was to come.
We pulled up to a walk-up and she paid the cab driver. I followed her lead and got out of the car and followed her up three flights of stairs and then came to a door. She unlocked it and walked in. I remember following her inside and my first impression of her apartment was neat. It was very tidy and oddly unique.
"Do you want anything to drink?"
I was nervous, outrageously so and I nodded my head and asked for water. I guzzled it down and then turned to put it on the counter and she was behind me suddenly. I couldn't help but shiver as she touched my arms lightly with the pads of her fingers. I bit my lip and closed my eyes, savoring the feel and loving the anticipation that made me swallow, my heart thumping wildly in my chest.
I felt the heat of her body against mine as she moved one step closer, felt the softness of her lips as they pressed against the back of my neck. I couldn't help but let out a tiny gasp, could feel her smile against the nape of my neck.
"What do you want, Emily," she whispered.
I remember straightening my spine and turning around to face her and leaning forward. Her lips were soft against mine but felt so good. My hand traveled to her neck and I pulled her closer, putting more pressure on our mouths. She opened easily and eagerly and I dived in, my tongue hesitantly touching hers before she met mine with a fever. The kiss grew faster and frantic and when I pulled away her lips chased mine.
"I want you," I remember whispering back at her.
She grinned at me and kissed me again. She somehow maneuvered me onto the counter and stepped in between my legs, her kissed traveled from lips to my neck, seamlessly taking my shirt off and tossing it over her shoulder. I remembering biting my lip, feeling very self-conscious and gently pushing her back to hop off the counter. She looked concerned and I reassured her that it was fine.
She led me to her room and, pushing her back on the bed, proceeded to pull her out of her dress and took my pants off. I crawled up the bed and looked down at her, smiling softly. I'd been with one other woman in my life and I'd been craving this all the time. I had flirted with women before and always got shot down. Michelle was different in a way, at that time, I didn't know.
I kissed her and proceed to take her apart, kiss by kiss, nip by playful nip. When she laid before me I couldn't stop staring until she chuckled at me and pushed me closer. I licked her, I suckled her, and I made her cry my name out.
"Emily! Ah! Perfect! So perfect!"
She came to with a shudder and several gasps. I leaned back and licked my lips and smiled at her. She pulled me closer and kissed me. Shoving me to the side, she proceeded to take me apart, bit by bit.
I clutched the sheets beneath me like a life-line, I writhed and cried out, and I bit my lip until it was bloody and I had no choice but let out my breath in a huff of words that I didn't know could escape me.
"Michelle! Yes! Ah! Yes!"
She crawled up the bed and laid down next to me, brushing her hand down my arm while I came down off my high.
We laid on her bed and talked for a little bit, learning more about each other and smiling. I think at that point we figured out that this was more than what we thought. We fell asleep and woke up together. Went out for coffee. Had lunch.
It was probably the longest first date ever. Three days later, this morning, Rachel called me to pick her up and this is where we left off. Except this time I wasn't alone. Rachel rushed to my car and made to get in the passenger seat only to stop herself when she noticed someone sitting there. She climbed in the back and I drove away. No one said anything but I'm sure Rachel caught on when she saw my hand that Michelle was holding in comfort and support.
"Rachel, this is my girlfriend Michelle. Michelle, this is my best friend Rachel."
I don't know what will happen in the future but what I do know, is that I no longer pined after some unattainable woman and I know that the woman that was holding my hand and giving me a small smile boosted my confidence in myself. She was special and I would keep her for as long as she'd let me. But that's a story for another day.
