Tainted

Plagued

Pulling up at his apartment, I stared out of the window, lost in a world that I wish I could escape.  Some have the privilege to escape into the world of make believe when they close their eyes, a world of their own creation; a world just for them, But for me?  It doesn’t work that way.   No, my mind took me to a world where I lay trapped, Trapped by echoes of yesterday, trapped by a tomorrow that I refuse to accept; yet I have no choice in the matter.

His touch shook me from my world, the world that he was very much a part of.  I turned my head and raised my eyes to look up at him but the sun caught on the windscreen and sparked a burning sensation in my eyes, I turned away from him with a grunt.  I heard him chuckled as he moved to get out of the car.  “Come on princess” he said as he opened the door for me.  “Better get you inside before you burst into flames” He teased me and that brought a smile to my face.  This was good right? He was smiling, that had to mean good things.

I got out of the car and he walked with me to the apartment building, he took out his keys and I watched his every move as he looked through the bundle, trying to remember which key he needed.  He was like that, forgetful, but he never forgot me.

He smiled at me and wiggles his eyebrows when he found the right key.  "That has to be a record right?"  He asked with a sheepish grin, I felt well enough now to return it.  Calm had settled into me now, he knew how to handle me.

 He took my hand and pulled me inside with him, closing the door behind us.  He looked down at me and his smile faded just a little.  "You want to tell me what's going on?" he asked me softly, and I dropped my gaze from his.  I was tongue tied again and my heart was racing inside of me.  "Do you really want to know?" She asked him instead.

He sighed, knowing I was avoiding answering him. I saw his fingers twitch towards his pocket.  He wanted to smoke, I could tell.  I was getting to him, but he was trying to hide it.  I could tell by the rise and fall of his chest that he was finding it hard to breathe.  

I thought that was odd, that he needed to smoke to breathe.  He had explained it to me once, saying that it felt as if there was a heavy weight on his chest and the only way to get rid of it was to smoke and let the feeling float away.  I didn't understand it, but I didn't question it either.  Usually he didn't question me, but this was a different day and I knew he needed answers.  Answers I wanted to give, but I wasn't sure if he should hear. 

Taking his hand in mine, I led him to the settee and crawled into his lap, looking at him with my sore, and now dry eyes.  He raised his hand and stroked my cheek, gliding his finger a long my jaw line. "You can tell me anything" He whispered, making me look into his eyes.  I nodded; there was no doubt in my body that he meant his words.

I struggled to form the words in my mind, but I was surprised as they tumbled free.  My voice low, I looked him in the eyes and told him the truth that haunted me.  It was a truth that plagued my system with emotions and taunts that left wounds too deep to heal.  He blinked and I felt his hand tense on my thigh as he stopped stroking gentle patterns into the worn fabric.

 Instinct told me to pull away, Instinct told me that he thought I was lying. or was that the whispers that pretended to be me.  They were Whispers that plagued my mind with half truths and lies; they masked a truth that haunted my days and nights. 

He pushed me away from him and landed on the floor with a thud, he got to start his pacing.  His hands clenched to form fists and then unclenched.  "Tell me your lying" He said without looking at me, I tried to get up from the floor and he turned to face me, which caused me to twitch.  The rage in his features told me to be careful.

 His eyes settled on my face, His features softened.  "I'm sorry" He said, he held out his hand and I forced myself to take it, though I was still shaking with fear.  "I'm sorry" He repeated, running his hands over my arms.  "I didn't mean to push you away like that" He said as he pulled me into his arms.  I gave a small nod, letting him hold me close.  "They did this to you?" He asked after a moment, he pulled away to search my face.  He saw the truth in my eyes, I know he did.  "They won't do it again" He said with a force that scared me. My eyes widened.

"Don't do anything stupid, please" I begged him, I could still see the tension in his body, even if his face was blank and calm.  

"When Have I ever done anything stupid?" he asked me, and dread settled into my bones.  I knew at that moment that a secret should stay just that, a secret.

*******************************  Authors note 

Hi Guys, Yeah I know it's not much, but it's enough for now :D  Hope you liked it.  What do you think he's going to do?