D1. Save the trees. Eat a beaver.
D2. You're killing me!
D3. Will Scratch My Butt For Food.
D4. A Farce To Be Reckoned With
D5. I get everything I set my mind to -
now where did I set my mind?
D6. My Deep, Spiritual Cleansing
Went Down The Drain.
D7. I'm not a stable boy but every morning,
I wake up a horse's ass.
D8. Gene Pool Full. Get Out!
D9. I pee in the shower.
D10. Hoarse Whisperer
D11. If I was you, I wouldn't be me!
D12. Women just don't get the 3 Stooges.
D13. Pianist Envy
D14. School is where they put you to learn
while you're trying to do other things.
D15. Sometimes I aim to please, but mostly I just shoot to kill.
D16. I'm on Debt Row.
D17. My Search Engine
Ran Out Of Gas.
D18. Read the fine print, dumbass.
D19. Figment of my own imagination.
D20. Queen Be-atch
D21. Forever Jung.
D22. I suffer from premature infatuation.
D23. Up Yours
D24. The real me sucks, too!
D25. Denial is a good thing if used correctly.
D26. A man only has two sides: A true one and a contradictory one.
D27. I do all of my own stunts
D28. Equal Opportunity Annoyer
D29. I've just had an out-of-body experience,
but wait, I'm getting ahead of myself.
D30. Bad Hair Day
(don't cross me)

D31. Impatience is not to be tolerated!
D32. Mom Likes Me Best
D33. Dad Likes Me Best
D34. There was an ocelot named Lancelot who liked to sing and dance a lot, who got into my pants a lot. Damn, that Lancelot!
D35. This body best viewed with Internet Explorer 4.0 or higher.
D36. Save The Drama For Your Mama!
D37. Check out the Junk in my Trunk!
D38. A penny for your thoughts. A dollar if you flash me!
D39. And Yet, I Digress.
D40. Save a tree. Wipe your ass with a spotted owl.
D41. YaThink
D42. And your point is...
D43. Like Duh
D44. Whatever...
D45. Looking Good Is A Curse
D46. If you don't want me looking, stop looking so good!
D47. Blunt Force Trauma Enthusiast
D48. Nice Rack
D49. Getting Some Action, Michael Jackson?
D50. I'm Brainstorming Here (And Quite A Storm It Is)
D51. Which Is Bigger, A Bazillion Or A Gazillion?
D52. Eat. Sleep. Mate. Repeat.
D53. God wants us to be happy, otherwise He never
would have created Internet Porn.
D54. Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
D55. Major Yabbos
D56. Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Life Is But A Scream!
D57. I Get Enough Excercise Just Pushing My Luck
D58. It's only funny until someone falls...then it's hilarious
D59. LOOK, but don't touch.
D60. Best In Show
D61. You Will Do For Now
D62. Will Flash 4 Food
D63. Priceless.
D64. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
D65. All of us were born crying. Some of us outgrow it.
D66. No good ever came from the phrase "I don't have enough work to do".
D67. Polygamy Loves Company
D68. If smell is associated with memory, all I can remember are farts.
D69. WhySpace? Tom is not my friend.
D70. I've done a lot of soul searching and there's nothing there.
D71. Check Out My iBone
H1. I'm looking for a juicy sin to commit.
H2. I have total recall, jerk!
H3. Your assertiveness training is wearing thin my Anger Management!
H4. I used to soar with eagles before I got sucked into a jet engine.
H5. When you're down and out, drag somebody else along with you.
H6. Lethal Use of Farce
H7. Service With A Smile. (because I messed with your order)
H8. How can I be so wrong, when everything I do is right?
H9. Guest of Horror
H10. Center of Detention
H11. Turn your head and cough
H12. Scatological Liar
H13. Man Candy
H14. Can we schedule a play date?
H15. Glutton For Punishment
H16. Thank you, sir. May I have another?
H17. People who need people, are ... codependent.
H18. Carry your own emotional baggage!
H19. If at first you don't succeed, don't go skydiving.
H20. Woulda Coulda Shoulda
H21. My Grandchildren Must Be Spoiled Because They Smell Bad!
H22. I can multi-task (talk and piss you off at the same time)
H23. All I ask is that you treat me no differently than you would the Queen.
H24. It's hard to be a diamond in a rhinestone world.
H25. They say that money talks but mine just waves, "Goodbye."
H26. You can't fix stupid.
H27. You can hug a tree, but going any farther is abuse!
H28. FCUK You, you dyslexic bastard!
H29. Don't Even Think About Asking To Hold The Baby
H30. Stop Your Whining!
H31. I Flunked Anger Management!
H32. My Kids' ATM Machine
H33. Where you stand depends upon where you sit.
H34. Life will be the death of me yet
H35. It's hard to reach for the stars when you always have your head up your butt.