No Feelings.

Chapter 12

You know I think everyone gives me little life lessons. Seriously Tate and Trenton are now getting us out in the real world but everyone else seems to be adjusting to it fairly quickly. In all honestly they always have. They've always seemed to be able to separate the job from everything else. But I can't seem to grasp it. I'm always on high alert and serious when they are on high alert and blending in. Make sense? I don't seem to register emotions but anger. And I don't know what to do. I feel stupid most of the time because everyone else gets them but I don't.

"Ready to talk about it?" Blake says coming in my room.

"Talk about what?" I ask.

"You forgiving Alex." he says. We never did get to talk about that night.

By the time we got back we had to brief Tate and Trent in what we did. Then I had to give Sammy a bath and get him ready for bed because Alex had homework. Then I had to put him to bed because he was being really fussy and would not cooperate with Alex. So it was up to me. Then I went and crashed. I sigh heavily sitting down on my bed.

"I don't know what that means Blake." I say honestly.

"To cease to feel resentment against. To forgive one's enemies." he says.

"I know the dictionary meaning of it Blake. I've never had to forgive anyone before." I tell him. He nods.

"Can you forget it ever happen? Just let it go? Never bring it up again?" he ask me.

"Well if you put it that way I've already forgiven him. Because to me I have let it go." I tell him.

"I guess in a way you have but are you still hurt by it? By him rejecting you? By him sleeping with her? By him taking her side?" he ask me.

"I was never hurt by any of that stuff. What did hurt me is when he threatened to kill me." I say. He nods again.

"Can you forgive him for that?" he ask. I'm just confused by all this.

"He has never appologized for it." I tell him. He nods again.

"I guess he hasn't but if he does are you going to forgive him?" he ask. I just shrug. Because I don't know. I don't know anything. I get attachment. I do because I'm already attached to Sammy. I get love because I love my family. But loving your family and a mate are two different things. I think your suppose to be in love with your mate. Ugh I don't know and I don't get it.

"Come on." Alex says coming into my room pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Yes sir." I say getting up. He shakes his head walking out.

"What's going on?" Blake ask beside me. I just shrug because I don't know.

"Anissa and I are taking a trip." Alex says.

"Where?" I ask.

"Somewhere." he answers. I nod following him downstairs. When we get there Tate and Trent are there along with Simon, Alisha and Zane.

"Blake Simon your on duty tonight." Tate says to them. "Anissa your going on a date." he tells me.

"A what?" I ask. I've never been on one of those before.

"A date. Your not working so no scanning, no nothing but going out and having a good time." Trent says.

"And who am I going out on a date with?" I ask.

"Alex." Tate answers. I look at Alex and see he has a smug look on his face. I just nod and shrug like always it's no big deal.

"Your suppose to be excited." Alisha says. I nod again. "Smile at least." she huffs. I give her a smile. "That's so fake." she says rolling her eyes.