Rise [Bruno Mars]

Chapter nine

Chapter nine

False.

False.

False.

“Truth!” the disembodied voice claimed, crushing my hope of Bruno's confession being false. And the way he sat. It told me his admission was very, very far from a lie.

He was perched at the edge of the dentist chair, hunched over, head down with his fingers threaded through his curls. I was stone. My thoughts were not. An envision of a young child was the first thing to force its way through to mind. It was of light brown skin, head full of thick and curly dark hair. It had Bruno's down turned eyes, the look of Jamie's full mouth, her undimpled cheeks, the soft brushstroke of a slim nose. I imagined Bruno going to the doctor with Jamie and their child, or even worse, them going to a Hernandez family gathering, while I would be left alone somewhere, probably a cottage, waiting for Bruno's return. And I knew, then.

This was the end of us.

If what Bruno said was true, which I wholly believed, our relationship has seen its final goodbye. No more beginnings.

This was it.

I crumpled forward, against the glass, frantically trying to think back. Had there been a budge in Jamie's stomach? No. It was as flat as a surface. Maybe she was too early to show? After Jamie's assault, Bruno stared at me with a look a fear. I thought he was afraid of whatever he was seeing. Was I wrong? Was the real reason he was afraid because Jamie might've spilled his greatest secret? Further back in time, I remembered Bruno leaving in the middle of the night. Was it to Jamie? And when he left those three days? I tried giving him space. Asking no questions. Was that the right thing to do? I hoped one day he would willingly tell me. But he never did such thing.

“I'm to blame.”

I lifted my gaze to Joseph. No I wanted to tell him but my tongue wouldn't move. Joseph brushed his thumb against my cheek. “I will always be here for you.”

My mouth parted. I needed that. As much as I hated it, I needed to hear those words. Who could I talk to? Ryan was Bruno's best friend. Not mine. And he was loyal. He would never side with me. Friends who I liked to believe—as a young child would believe in the Tooth Fairy—as best friends, sisters, even, were far away, and my mother, even further. Unreachable by no cell phone service. Who else did I have? The answer made my lips tremble. 

I remembered Joseph's words from when I believed he was a hallucination. Bruno has endless walls of support. But who do you have, if you lose him?

The answer rang clear. No one. I would have no one.

My chest unclenched just a tiny bit. I would have someone. . .

I nodded to Joseph, turning away. I didn't know why it became hard to look at him after my acceptance. I would have him. Joseph. By my side. Like Phil was to Bruno. Joseph could be to me. I felt a brief moment of giddiness; if all was lost I had someone to turn to, before a sense of crashing came over me, heavy and loud.

Bruno was speaking to the woman in the lab coat who'd injected him. He had a hand fisted in his hair. The woman handed him two plastic bags. Joseph had left.

I watched Bruno rise, shaking the woman's hand. His eyes skimmed the glass window once. He nodded to the woman before heading out to meet me. I became aware of the fast beat of my heart. A familiar pain clouded my stomach—one with claws, ripping and wrenching everything from my gut to my chest.