GUYAHOLIC

I graduated from high school on a rainy Monday in late June. The ceremony is being held at the college rink, site of mu notorious collision with the puck, except the ice is gone and the walls were decorated with CONGRADULATIONS! Signs compliments of the Spirit Club.

I know should be ecstatic, given the fact that before I moved to Brockport I’d attended seventeen different schools in nearly as many states and was such a slacker I had little chance of receiving a diploma.

But I’m anxious. Basically I’m obsessing over the fact that my mom will arrive in time to see me walk across the stage. My insides are clenched. I can barely breathe. And I’m on the merge of chewing off my perfectly manicured finger nails that went so perfectly with my black dress and strappy sandals.

I haven’t seen my mother since January at my junior year, when she sent me off to live by my grandparents. In the ensuing eighteen months, she’d promise to visit on three different occasions but fail to show up any of the three times leaving me miserable, depressed and continually surprised, as if somehow I thought that this time things would be different.

And yet this time, things are different. Aimee and I have been talking on the phone a lot lately, less parent to child but more person to person. I even told Alex that Aimee is coming, and that’s big for me because I generally do not mention Aimee to any other than blood relatives.

Yes, crazy but true, Alexander Flynn is still in the picture. After he appeared at my front door with the focaccia, we started hanging out. And then we started hooking up. And then, once we hit that two week mark, when I usually decide a guy is too clingy or a sloppy kisser or has unforgivably pointy nose, Alex and I continued hooking up.

It’s been over three months, and I still don’t know what to call us. We existed in this blurry zone that’s more than friends with benefits and less than going out. It’s a definite source of tension because Alex wants us to be boyfriend and girlfriend, complete with prom and promises and putting each others picture in our lockers....

But what he doesn't understand is that I've seen waht having a boyfriend, a commitment did to my mother and that's one thing I do not want happening to me. It's better to hangout and have fun with no strings attach. I think.

Aimee promised she'd make it in time to see me collect my diploma since she missed the early flight because "Cowboy" had kidney stones and was in too much pain for her to leave. Or so she claim.

" Will the S's  and the T's please come up for their diplomas." the principal announced.

My inside clenched as I look over to my grandparents and saw that the seat they left for Aimee was still empty like a missing tooth. Why I thought this time would be different from the last five times she's promise to visit and hadn't reach, I really don't know.

" Do you know what time is it?" I whisper to the guy on my left.

He pushes up his sleeve. " two fifteen."

Aimee should be here by now. The principal intructs the U's, V's and W's to line up.

I adjust my cap and take one last look at the stands, still empty. I step on the stage, collect my diploma, shake the superintendent's hand trying my best to swallow back tears. I have to face reality......... she's never goin to make it.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aimee doesn’t arrive in time to see me receive the Barker Drama Award, and she doesn’t arrive in time for the cap tossing, and as we marching out, I finally have to accept the fact that she hasn’t arrived for any part of the ceremony.

As all the graduates are reuniting with their family, I couldn’t locate my grandparents, which is unfortunate because in brief I’m standing by myself, I’m assaulted by Alex’s mom’s camera.

‘’ Great picture!” she squeals.” I’ll definitely put this in Alex’s senior year scrap book.’’

There’s something about Alex’s mom that annoys the hell out of me. She’s like a teenager in an forty year old body. She knows all of Alex's and his sister's friends and she also try to keep tabs on the latest break-ups and what the big fight was about.

"where's your mom?" Alex's mom asks me. ''I'm dying to meet her."

Damn it Alex. I told him that Aimee was coming but I didn't ecpect him to blab it to the entire world. Just then Alex and his dad show up. I say hi to his dad and shoot a look at Alex.