Black tears

Torture

When I woke up the next day I felt dead; hollow like my insides had been sliced out of me. It only became worse when I realised the day's agenda: school. Although I had recently lost my optimism for a new day, I was determined to re-ignite it. Maybe somebody would see me as a person for once. Thinking that made me realise how pitiful and depressing my life was. Right, it was time to start my school day before I misjudged it's outcomes. I dressed myself in my school uniform as smartly as I could, trying to make up for the fact my face looked like a corpse. Walking down the stairs I decided I would avoid making eye contact with either of my brothers during my morning activity. Both my brothers are extremely lucky, lucky in the sense that they escaped the tribulations I had to endure. Normal, in a way that made them likeable, especially likable to the people I wish would notice me. This was most prevalent with my twin brother, often I would see him conversing with the boys I would frequently long for. Although, maybe that was for the best considering my warped intentions. My appetite had been non existent since the rebirth, although not eating would be bad for me. A small bowl of cereal was enough, it began to taste like dirt by the last mouthful.

The train station was as grubby as always, I watched a couple kissing in the shelter, it made my heart gasp, stupid people. I sometimes wondered if some people were purely on this planet to make my life worse. Then the train came and took me like a prisoner closer to the cold bricks of education.

"Forever alone" I thought. Nobody was noticing me today. In most of the lessons I just sat there drawing invisible shapes with my finger. Now, it was science, maybe I would be lucky and we'd be using acid and I could deliberately stick my hand in it. Walking into the classroom my eyes were drawn to something, after a second take I realised it was someone. Perfect features, a strong defined jaw line and beautiful brown hair, warm and welcoming it flowed like waves. He flashed a smile, so brilliant I forgot where I was. After a quick movement I was in my seat, my eyes absorbing his beauty. Then began a dark urge, originating from my the middle of my chest it flowed and metamorphosised through my body. Now it reached my hands, a lust to inflict pain while an equal lust to be dominated, but a clear passion to combine my lips with his. No, I had to stop, he was innocent he didn't deserve to be inflicted with my twisted emotions. I tried to take my mind of the emotions and searched my memories for all I knew about him. His name was Ben, infamous for his good looks, popularity came easy for him. A hit with most boys; mutual interests in sport and an easy going attitude to life. My eyes left the desk towards the board, Ben's head was in direct view; something I'd previously not noticed. Suddenly, the sound of a fellow student dropping some lab equipment placed on the tables before the lesson caused his head to whip round, his eyes staring straight into mine. A quick reaction, like electricity, my hand lodged my nails into the cornor of the wooden table. My embedded nails acted as an antidote to the dark feelings. My nails were clawing the wood, slowly stripping it away. I realised his eyes where no longer on mine, my hand releasing. At that moment the teacher ordered the class into pairs. Ben ordered to pair with me due to the lack of life on my table and the plentiful amount on his. Electricity jolting to my hand reverting it to it's past action. He sat down and spoke.

"Hey which answer is number one then?"

"Errm.....I'm not sure" I was far too busing clawing the table. Pain began to ignite. I glanced at my hand and noticed a nail become dislodged and flashes of red replacing the position it once lived.

"Are you alright?"

I wasn't and I needed an escape, now. In a rash decision I moved my head below the desk and thrust two fingers down my throat. My gag reflex caught me by surprise, my forcing substance out of my mouth.

"Oh wow..."

"Ben, take him to the medical room."

My form of escapism just back fired and now I would have to endure more excruciating self-restraint. Maybe this time I would claw my own eyes out and never have to lay my eyes on him again. He laid his hand on my back in a guiding and comforting fashion as we walked out of the classroom. I felt it like hot metal, burning a deep emotional mark into me. The rush of emotion was becoming too much, I felt a craving like a vampire craves for blood I wanted scar his godly form, even more I wanted him to fight back.

I started to shiver uncontrollably: locking my arms across my body, chaining it.

"Get away from me!" I backed away against the wall.

"What's wrong with you? Are you on something?"

"I can't stand being near you, I don't want to kill you!" Tears had formed without me realising, Ben stared stunned. My exit was swift.