A Boyfriend Like Him

Tuesday, You Fuckers

Chapter Fifty
-Tuesday, You Fuckers-

I got back to the room, stripped down to my soaked bra and knickers, and fell onto my bed and shut my eyes. Why did he have to be such a jerk? Why was it always a kiss when he was jealous? He was completely incapable of communicating and it was driving me crazy.
No 'sorry' or even a 'my bad', he just grabs me and kisses the life out of me like a stupid caveman asshole. He started this, he was the one that did all the hard work to make it clear the relationship was over and now he's the one kissing me? And that was a good point too! He broke up with me! Why was he jealous? He had no right to be, he didn't get to keep me miserable, just because he didn't want anyone else with me, although he didn't want to be with me either.

"Maybe I was wrong."

He'd said that, but what did it mean? For being a male, who apparently meant he should be a simple creature, he was as temperamental as a prepubescent girl. One minute he's calling me names and then he's giving me half smiles, then he's ignoring me and then kissing me because someone else might be interested. Oh, go fuck yourself; I don't have time for mind games.
I picked up my phone and frowned at it. I heard if you left it in a bowl of rice, it somehow absorbed the water, but I'm pretty sure that was for brick phones. Not cheaply made, easily distressed iPhone's.
I nodded off somewhere between planning Taylor's funeral for the second night in a row and thinking about the conversation I would have to have with one of my parents, explaining how some ass-hat had kissed me and had held onto me when I tried to shove him into a fountain. Dad would probably be proud, although annoyed, I'd gone in too.

I rolled over and dug deeper into the bedding, becoming vaguely aware of my own consciousness. My alarm should go off soon, I thought enjoying the warmth of the bed while I still had it. Any second now, my alarm would go off.

My alarm.
Shit.
I don't have a phone.
Which means, I don't have an alarm.

Sitting up right with a start, I looked around the room and spotted Kathy's digital clock next to her unused bed. Four fifty-six, it read. Leaping from the bed, I flew around the room like a whirlwind, grabbing up everything I needed to get ready. Leggings were tugged up my leg as my polo shirt was ripped over my head and over my shoulders. Grabbing my wallet, keys and by pure routine, my bricked phone, I hopped out of the door and down the hall, shoving shoes on feet when I felt I had a moment to spare. Racing down to the gym, I said a small prayer to the big man upstairs when no one was waiting for me this morning. I took a deep breath while I unlocked the door and looked at the clock while I punched in the alarm pin. Five zero-four. Winner. I grinned to myself as I pulled my hair into a pony tail and walked into the gym to put the lights and music on.

I walked back to the reception desk and Taylor was leaning on it, with coffee in front of him, his eyes closed and his head resting in his propped up hand. How were these people capable of acquiring decent coffee at all hours of the day?
"Seriously? What?" I asked, feeling tired after the way this morning had started and Taylor peaked up at me through his lashes, looking sincere.
"Truce," He stated, pushing the coffee towards me. It now being five fifteen in the morning, and that being a coffee from the café across from the gym, my mouth salivated at the thought. My sense of pride then kicked my greed in the ass and out the door.
"Truce?" I asked and he nodded. Grabbing the hot, amazing full cup of coffee, I felt a distinct sadness inside me as I lifted it off the desk, took the lid off and poured the coffee into the bin next to the desk and then dropped the empty cup in there too. "Shove your truce up your arse, Taylor," I told him quietly. I watched him move and cross his arms under him, while still leaning on the bench and chew the inside of his cheek while he studied me.
"What then?" He asked and I had to clench my fists to stop myself from picking up the bin and emptying it over his head, hoping the coffee was still hot enough to scald him.
"What do you have to do to get back into this gym while I'm here? Or what do you have to do to ever get back to where we were?" I asked him.
"Both would be good," He shrugged, looking boyish.
"My god your stupidity and arrogance knows no bounds," I scoffed at him. "To make this right, you should probably call up Emmett Brown," I told him and his brow dropped.
"Who?" He asked, confused.
"Doc from Back To The Future," I rolled my eyes. "You'll need his DeLorean to go back in time and stop yourself from publicly humiliating me in front of every person we both know, because you're too much of a pussy to break up with a girl the right way." I glared down at him as he stared at me. When he opened his mouth to speak I cut him off. "Then you'll need to go back in time even further and stop me from ever having met you because the sight of your face makes me feel sick. The only way to get back into this gym is for me to have never met you, so I don't know how much of an evil, cruel, arrogant asshole liar you are." I was kind of shaking all over as this all fell out of my mouth, but only because I wasn't crying, I think. The pent up energy had to come out some way and it had me shaking like a leaf. Last night I had had a good buzz to carry me through everything I said. It really wasn't fair he was doing this before the sun was even up.
"I never lied to you," He finally murmured, calmly while shaking his head.
"Yeah, you did," I glared at him. "You never told me this was what I was in for. You are a liar, Taylor Cadley. You said the girls knew what they were getting into when they flirted back. You never once warned me that you would drop me like a diseased corpse once you'd had your fill. You never once told me I would lose a friend at the end of this assignment and be introduced to the nastiest, vile, son of a bitch on the planet. You didn't warn me about any of this and that makes you the asshole I told you you were, in the very first conversation we ever had. You're that guy and I hate you for it." Having finished my rant, I continued to silently glare at him as he processed my words.
"I know," he whispered with his head dropped as looked down at the table. I stared at him for a long silent moment, astonished that that was all that was coming out.
"I know?" I echoed back at him. "I know is all you have to say?" I shook my head. "How dare you just say I know! What the fuck?"
"What else do you want me to say?" He snapped at me, defensively.
"Maybe explain the brain aneurysm you suffered between the best night of my life and the worst. Maybe explain why you can't have a fucking heart and leave girls alone that have the nerve to actually fall in love with you? Because heaven forbid you actually take responsibility for your actions and own up to them." He stared at me long and hard for a moment, chewing the inside of his cheek.
"What if I can't?" He murmured bitterly, glaring at me. I was pissing him off and it felt good. "What if I'm everything you said and I don't feel the need to answer to you because you were just a warm set of open legs that I can replace whenever I need a change of pace?" It was a sarcastic, nasty tone he used. "From the moment this all started I've only wanted to get you into bed and nail you through the mattress so hard you were stuck in the ground. That's all I could think about, was how I could get inside you and then back out again. I watched you get upset over Jake that one night and we went to your room; you were asking what was wrong with you. I was wondering how I could get from scratching your lower back to sinking those finger deep inside you in a way that you would be willing. I didn't give two shits about how upset you were," His eyes bored into mine and I knew he was waiting for my reaction. He wanted to upset me, disgust and disturb me. "You were only a fuck," He muttered, finally. He was looking at me angrily, but his eyes gave him away. They were dead. He didn't have any meaning or passion behind his words. Maybe he was trying to scare me away or piss me off so we didn't have to have this conversation, I wasn't sure. All I knew was that I wasn't walking away from this. I wanted to have it out with him once and for all.
"You're lying again, Taylor. You care, you always have," I whispered to him. He scoffed at me and I scoffed back at him because he was doing a childish 'hurt them before they hurt me' bullshit. "That night when we first really hooked up, you didn't fuck me on the grass, you cared," I pointed out.
"I was uncomfortable and had a soggy ass," He bit back, avoiding looking at me by staring down at his hands.
"Then why did we go to eat after? You took me to eat and gave me the chance to think about it, you cared," I glared at him. "About me, about what I was doing, maybe even why I was doing it. You cared."
"I was hungry," He glared, looking up and around the room, still refusing to look at me.
"No wonder your eyes are brown," I laughed at him. "Because you are completely full of shit. If that didn't mean anything then, what happened with Declan, Taylor?" I asked and he shook his head and rolled his eyes.
"He has a girlfriend, and he very clearly had a hard-on for you that night," He scrubbed his hand down his face in an agitated move.
"He has a girlfriend?" I asked, surprised. This information was completely new to me.
"Yeah, I've seen them around. I had seen them that day, the dude is scum," Taylor muttered quietly, looking away from me again.
"Do you realise how contradicting you are? You freaked out when he hit on me because he had a girlfriend and you say you don't care? What happened with Robbo last night? Because it seemed to me the moment you thought someone else was sniffing around, you came and basically assaulted me to put him in his place," I stated and Taylor stared me down, his face was passive, though his eyes were fiery. "You care; you either care about me, Declan's girlfriend or both of us. Either way, you fucking care about someone Taylor," I stressed the point to him, getting frustrated. "When I found out Jake was still seeing Milly, you knew something was wrong with me the moment you saw me," I growled at him. "You stopped everything you were doing and didn't leave my side until that next morning," The growl turned into something a little more forceful. "Stop saying you don't care, because you do," My voice finally rose to what could be considered yelling. He dropped his head into his hands and I crossed my arms over myself and watched him and waited. "Does it matter at all that I love you?" I murmured, putting it all out there finally. "Does it matter that the act you pulled in The Hub with that girl physically hurt my heart?" I asked him, practically whimpering. Taylor looked up and studied my face for a long silent moment.
"Sooner rather than later, I always ruin everything I touch anyway," Taylor replied in a dead tone, moving from the desk and standing tall. He'd been being nasty and short but this was different. He'd snapped out of his self-defensiveness and he sounded honest, and it made me stop short at the biting comment I was ready to unleash back at him as I stared at him. He sucked the inside of his cheek in what was building up to an almost frantic manner. He'd recently only done this when he'd been upset and things hadn't been going his way. "Fuck!" He roared finally, making me jump in freight as he sounded as frustrated as I felt. He leant over the desk again with his head in his hands. "You scare me so much that I can't stand to even look at you," He growled, tugging at his own hair in frustration.
"What?" I murmured, staring at him surprised by his sudden change of mood.
"I don't know what we're doing, but it felt so fucking real and you got so far under my skin without even trying. You do realise that, right?" He asked and I continued to stare at him, stunned by his confession. "The kicker is, I can't force myself to not love you, but I'm terrified of the day that I finally admit to myself that I don't want to do anything more than love the hell out of you and that's the day you finally see me for the royal fuck up I truly am. Just like everyone else always does," He trailed of in an almost whisper and I looked at him as I felt tears pool in my eyes. Here in front of me stood a vulnerable man-child that believed the worst he was told about himself. It was only then that I realised that he truly and honestly had fucked up on purpose to stop the wait for what he thought was an inevitable outcome anyway. "I end up alone again."
"Oh, Taylor," I sighed and he flinched. I had never seen the look in Taylor's eyes before. It was that of heart break and crushed soul. He hastily swiped his face with his hand and stared at his shoes, composing himself. "What the hell did she do to you?" I asked, quietly.
"You want to know why I'm doing all of this? Why I'm being the biggest asshole on earth, and I have known exactly what I have been doing," He nodded at me. "It's because I'm not capable of being loved. I ruin everything I touch and I can't ruin you too, with my bullshit. You're too good for that," He whispered and I stepped towards him, the movement was slow but it startled him anyway.
"If you would let me close enough to you, maybe I could make the assessment for myself," I whispered and his face screwed up.
"I can't let you. You're close to the greatest thing I've touched and it only took me days to go out of my head and screw it up. I'm not good enough for you," He spat out. He still hadn't looked me in the eye, so I stepped towards him again.
"Don't I get a chance to decide that?" I asked and he shook his head.
"I'm just saving you the effort of figuring it out," He murmured.
"I didn't used to think you're not good enough," I told him, honestly and he looked up at me.
"Because you don't know me," He replied. "Though, it didn't take me long to prove myself right."
"That isn't fair Taylor; you went out of your way to prove yourself right. You fucked up on purpose," I bit back at him.
"Sooner, rather than later," He muttered.
"Oh, cut the crap Taylor," I snapped. "Where is this self-pity bullshit coming from?" I demanded. "Where is my Taylor? The intelligent, kind, funny and sweet person I know?"
"Don't act like you know me," He bit back at me.
"I think I have some idea about you," I murmured and he shook his head. "I know you were attracted to me, that much you had no issue making clear from the beginning."
"You deserve more than just attraction, Lucy," He almost growled. "You deserve actual attention and respect, not someone that is so fucked up that they can only screw you and move on."
"I deserve more, but you screwed me and moved on anyway?" I asked and the guilty look on his face hurt me.
"I'm an asshole, we both know it. Don't try and romanticise me into some shining knight," He whispered.
"So we were never friends?" I asked and he shrugged.
"Honestly, I tried to be," He murmured, rubbing his hand down his face. "God, how I tried," He sighed, looking up to the roof.
"You know when I asked you why you picked me for the assignment?" I asked him and he glanced at me for a moment, so I continued knowing he was listening. "You were right, Friendship should be there somewhere inside all of it. I think of us as friends Taylor and the distinguishing factor between being friends and being in a relationship is that you want to fuck the hell out of that person at any given moment. It's a bone deep attraction that just won't quit," He looked at me as though he didn't believe my words. "That's why when relationships are good, they're amazing. You have your best friend beside you in public and you get to take them home and keep them up all night in ways other people will never find out. It's a secret between the two of you that no one else gets to share in." We stood staring at each other for a long silent moment.
"I don't know how to be want you need," He muttered.
"You were doing a fine job up until Tuesday night," I replied, matching his low tone.
"And then I fucked everything up," He looked up at me.
"Because you wanted everything to be fucked up," I raised my brows at him. "Don't act like you didn't mean to completely destroy me that night. You walked into The Hub intent on walking out single. Don't pretend to be your own victim; it's completely unflattering, because you're so much more than your own victim." His eyes narrowed while looking at me and I made myself stand tall and unflinching.
"Then how do I fix this?" he whispered after a long silent moment between the two of us.
"Prove to me that you will never ever treat me like you have over the last week," I whispered in reply. "Make me feel safe with you again. Make me feel loved, because right now my heart is beating through my ass with anxiety every time I see you, that you will find a way to make me feel lower than the scum on your shoes."
"I don't know how," he murmured after a moment, sounding helpless.
"Well, figure it out, because I won't accept anything less," I told him, trying to keep the bite out of my words. "I don't deserve to be treated like shit, Taylor."
"I know," He nodded, looking at his fingers.
"You pulled all this bullshit and hurt me so bad, just because you couldn't communicate with me Taylor," I shook my head.
"I didn't know how you felt," He muttered.
"I told you I loved you," I pointed out.
"After an orgasm?" He looked up at me, with an unbelieving look on his face.
"It doesn't matter, I said it."
"I said it too and you laughed it off," He replied, looking up at me with hurt in his eyes.
"Because you set the precedence. It's only fair to give you what you gave me."
"I gave you everything I had," He looked up at me and the fire in his eyes told me he meant it. "I haven't been pretending since I kissed you and you tasted like orange gelato. I kept forgetting to pretend, but you never gave up a chance to remind me it was all over in two weeks," He stated, glaring.
"What would you have wanted me to do, Taylor? You're going from any girl, any time you pleased to one girl as an assignment for two weeks. A girl that doesn't do casual relationships. When I would remind you, I was also reminding myself not to fall head over heels for you because you prefer every girl, everywhere over what I can offer you," I glared at him. "You dumped my ass and were in the fucking gym showers with another girl within twelve hours." He stared at me as I willed the tears to suck back into my head and not run down my face.
"I didn't fuck her," He stated, looking at me sheepishly. "I didn't fuck anyone."
"You don't have to fuck someone to cheat in a relationship, Taylor," I glared at him.
"We really fucked this up, huh?" He murmured and I laughed for the first time that morning.
"We, Taylor?" I asked, crossing my arms and he smirked up at me.
"Fine, mostly me."
"Yeah, mostly you," I rolled my eyes. I watched him for a moment before I spoke again. "You still haven't apologised like, at all." I chewed my lip while looking at him. His grin was so cheeky and completely Taylor as he looked up at me.
"Still trying to figure out the best way to say I'm sorry, Buttercup," he replied and I stopped cold.
"You don't ever call me that again," I glared at him and his eyes went wide.
"What?" He asked and I shook my head.
"You had another girl call me buttercup," I reminded him in a hiss. Taylor moved away from the bench, towards me and I let him wrap me up in his arms. Closing my eyes, I buried myself into his chest.
"I'm sorry," He whispered and I breathed him in before moving to wrap my arms around his neck.
"Never call me buttercup again," I replied and he laughed against my neck.
"Baby cakes?" he suggested, brightly. "Or honey pot?"
"Honey pot is a vagina, Taylor," I pulled back from him to glare and Taylor laughed.
"schmookems?"
"How about no?" I replied.
"'No' is a weird name," Taylor grinned. "How about 'girlfriend'?" He asked and I shrugged.
"You still have at least six months until you've made up for having another girl call me by my pet name," I glared. "How about 'casually exclusively dating'?"
"How about that," He whispered with a smirk, watching my lips. "As a casual, exclusive datee, do I get to kiss you?" He asked and I smirked as I nodded. Pulling him to me, I took the lead and he laughed into my mouth as I sucked at his bottom lip as my hand fisted his hair. I had missed him so much and needed this so badly. Even if I was still angry at him for what he'd done and why he'd done it. I just fucking needed him, stop judging me.
We were interrupted by banging on the gym window that made us both stop and look around at the front window. Looking like he was in pain, Jake leant against the window with pain on his face, that was half smooshed against the tinted glass.
"No! Tuesday!" He yelled at us, hitting his fast again the glass, between his words. "Tuesday, you fuckers." He banged the glass again, and then I noticed Robbo behind him, dancing in what looked to be victory between bouts of air humping Jake from behind, with a grin industrial strength cleaner wouldn't wipe off.
"What the fuck?" Taylor murmured and I groaned.
"You seriously don't even want to know," I replied, shaking my head.

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Author Note: BEFORE YOU ASK, THIS ISNT THE END. ITS NOT DONE. DONT SAY 'OMG, THIS BETTER NOT BE FINISHED!'. Cause it's not. They still have issues to work through. Until the chapter is called THE END, it's not the end. Take a deep breath.