Myself and I

Switching Gears

"I see..." said Dr. Martins. "Its not uncommon for people to talk to themselves but I don't think I've heard a case quite like yours before."

"You've gotta help me doc, I can't keep him locked up here forever." I say, tapping my head.

Setting aside her notepad, which I bet she was just playing tic-tac-toe on the whole time anyway she says, "Well then, maybe you should him out for a little bit."

"NO! I.. I can't do that."

"And why can't you?"

"You've heard that old expression, 'Give them an inch and they'll take a mile,' right?"

"Yes"

"Well if I give him a minute he might take a lifetime, and I won't let him have it."

"But you have to do it, if you don't learn to deal with him you'll be living like this for the rest of your lifetime anyway."

"That's still better than letting him have it to himself while I'm the one looking for a foot hold to get back up."

"I can understand that you're worried, Ethan, but this is something you are going to have to deal with eventually, its better that its done in a controlled environment while there is another person around. Especially since you said yourself that you fight against him stronger when there is another person around, correct?"

"Well, ya. But still... I'm afraid"

"Afraid of what, Ethan?"

"That I'll finally look myself, or him, in the eye, and that I might see that I really am like that."

"During our first session, last time you were here, you said that you enjoy the Eragon series, correct?"

"Ya, but... what does that have to do with this?"

"Do you remember what it described it was like for a character to find out their true name, to discover the essense of who they were?"

"Yes, the book described it in pretty good detail, but this isn't the world of magic and dragons doctor."

"But it was still something that had to be done, and they were comforted by knowing where they stood, correct?"

I sigh, dropping my head a little. "I can see where you are going with this."

"Unfortunatly our time for today is up, would you mind picking up from where we are during your next session tomorrow morning?"

*mumbles to myself* Not that you're giving me much of a choice. "Ya, I think I can do that."

I say goodbye to Dr. Martins and step outside into the fall breeze. I begin walking home watching the colored leaves blow towards me and past my feet. I squint as I feel a gust blow into my face and watch facinated as it creates a small whirlwind of leaves in the corner of an allyway when I hear a voice pop into my head.

"Seriously dude, thats the best you could do describing our relationship? Ha! The first grade us could've written a better script than that."

A flash of anger hits me and I growl, "Shut up, and don't say 'us', you and I are totally differant."

"You keep telling yourself that, I can tell by how quickly you got angry there that you and I do have quite a bit in common besides our dashing good looks."

"Don't try to hide the fact that the reason I'm angry is because you are a persistant little bugger who won't stop trying to be in control."

"Who said I was trying to hide it? And furthermore who ever said I was looking for control?"

"You don't have to say it, actions speak louder than words."

"Well I'm sure that my words will get through to Ms. Martins tomorrow."

I feel a shutter run through my body "Don't remind me about that."

I smile "Well I'm looking foward to it"

As I look up I realize that I'm just down the block from my house, knowing my family is home I push him back into what I affectionatly call his "box". As I walk up to the pale house I close my eyes and make sure that my gaurd is up, and that I'm wearing the same smile that I always have. "Mom, I'm home!"

She yells back, "Did you have fun with your friends today Ethan?"

I can't let them know. "Ya, they want to hang out again tomorrow morning."