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Queen's Thoughts

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Copyright Shazneem Tamana


Dedicated to my extended family:


@boofhead @psdoffhby @lilly-rain @Christinag1227 @AggieDiva35 @GiamoniCooper

 

 

 

 

Inner Turmoil

 

 

 

 

My heart says go

 

My mind says no

 

Hurt I am

 

Lost I feel

 

You meant the world

 

For I gave you the world

 

You could not value it

 

You could not treasure it

 

My support

 

My love

 

My caresses

 

You did not need

 

You did not feel its worth

 

You threw it away

 

With that last blow

 

My years of hardwork

 

My years of loyalty

 

My years of love and support

 

You threw away like it was nothing at all

 

Did you not realise I had a limit?

 

Did you not listen to my words "dont push me too far?"

 

All gone and lost

 

Because of your anger and control

 

To cage another

 

When you want to be free

 

To limit another

 

When you want the unlimited

 

To hurt another

 

When you want to be unhurt

 

where, pray tell,

 

is the sense, the justice in this?

 

Is it ignorance?

 

or 

 

do you assume this is manhood?

 

I bleed inside

 

Yet smile for my loved ones

 

I do my duties

 

That which you could never match up to do

 

You feel not what I had

 

The love

 

The respect

 

The need

 

The want

 

You felt none of it

 

But 

 

The Pain

 

The Hurt

 

The Whimpers

 

The Moans

 

The Agony

 

The Loss

 

The Loneliness

 

The Betrayal

 

The sheer heights of losing all I put so much into

 

You shall feel

 

Your Time will come

 

For he sees all

 

You said He forgives anyone who asks for forgivness

 

But you took no note of the fact 

 

That he sees if your apoligy was truthful

 

If you would learnt not to do it again

 

Yet time and time again you did it

 

And now your apoligies mean nothing to me or Him

 

Life will be hard for me

 

But atleast it will be away from you

 

Life will be harder for you

 

Mark my words it shall be

 

For noone will cook your meals

 

Pay your bills

 

Wash you clothes

 

And do all I did

 

For nothing in return

 

I asked not of 

 

Money

 

Nor of anything else

 

I needed not 

 

Materialistic things

 

Nor words of the moons and stars

 

I hoped

 

Simply hoped

 

I would get my dues

 

The Love

 

The Respect

 

The Support

 

That all woman deserve and need

 

Yet you gave me nothing

 

And 

 

Took everything

 

You took my innocent smiles of teen years

 

and turned them into fake smiles of the feared

 

You took my sweet sixteen laughter, that boomed the walls

 

And turned them into surpressed coughs

 

You took away those who meant so much to me

 

Turning me into a loner

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