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A Cat Called Steve


Hey Y'all!

Thanks everyone who has given me time to complete this. As you all know, my gran's been ill and is in hospital. My family are all under a lot of stress right now and, to make matters worse, School (ewww) starts up again tomorrow. I have P.E first. Yay Life!

This chapter goes to truly_classic. Not only am I the hundredth person that she fanned but she also helped promote this book. Honestly, there's no way that I can thank her enough!

This chapter's song is The Laughing Gnome (yes, it's actually a song) by the great David Bowie.

Also, can I just say that when I was watching the Olympic Closing Ceremony and they started to play David Bowie, I started crying because he didn't come on. I was so upset! Those damn models wrecked the song fashion. Anyone else annoyed by this? *cries*

Anywho, rant over.

Comment, Vote, Fan. PLEEAAAASSSEEE!


Six: Smurf Face and Kibble Muncher

“Don’t touch it!”

Stacey swatted Steve’s hands away from his now Germolene covered face to stop him from scratching.

“But it’s so itchy!” he complained.

Stacey rolled her eyes and covered another poisoned ivy blotch on his face. “Look, if you find it so itchy, you shouldn’t have jumped in the bush.”

I cut in there, “Well, Stacey, we didn’t actually jump in a bush. We fell in it. It’s not our fault it happened to be poisoned ivy.”

She didn’t answer but instead splodged a squirt of the Germolene onto Steve’s nose and let out a sight, “Well, however it happened, that bush got you real bad.”

I had to agree with her there. Both of us, Steve and I, were covered from head to toe in patches from the poisoned ivy. And of course, splodges of Germolene dotted randomly across our bodies. Stacey had spent the last half hour nursing our ‘Battle Scars’, as Steve so creatively put it.

After Stacey had finished plastering the stuff on us, we all made our way over to the book, which was lying open on the table at a page that explained a spell that we had found that might help turn him back.

The book held some pretty creepy shit. Not only had we read over How to turn children into mice, How to recognise a Werewolf and Why gnomes are dangerous but the book also had How to kill someone in one kiss and Cursing for Dummies. The article that we found, however, was titled: Long Term Transfiguration. We had all read over the article and decided that it was easy enough to do tonight. All we needed was candles, which could be supplied by Stacey who, I’d learned, had a thing for scented candles, and we had to say a chant which, when I read over, sounded like baby noises. I was fairly sure that we could manage those simple details.

So the three of us sat down, each with a rather funky smelling candles in front of us, which made me want to cut my nose off because they were each so … err … fragrant. I sat between an exited Stacey and Steve, who looked like he was about to make and accident in his pants. I, on the other hand, was neither of the two. To be quite honest, after such a long night, I was pretty sure that I was going to fall asleep any second now. My lids were feeling awfully heavy and my senses were a little cloudy.

Stacey lit each of the candles, making them stink even more, and picked up the book. “So. Who’s going to say it?”

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Alexandra Chandoas Emmy Noel
Francisco Lachowskias Steve Milligan
Vanessa Hudgensas Stacey

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