Haters Gonna Hate

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Episode VI: Return of the Hate—Shitty Teachers

I realize that many of you who are reading this are not from America, and to those of you who aren’t, you might have heard things like, “American education is slipping.” “American kids are horrible students.” And so on and so forth.

But what people never stop to think—what people refuse to accept is that maybe, just maybe, it’s because we have shitty, horrible fucking teachers.

Now I’m not saying all teachers are bad. In fact, some of my teachers/professors have been the biggest influences on my life! But others? Not so much.

Here are the three shittiest kinds of teachers infesting American school systems .

#1 The, “Read the book and answer question teacher.”

These are the most common among shitty teachers. Often found in American high schools, they bring question to the WORD “teacher.” You can usually find them with their head slumped over their desk while snoring in class. They come in, tell you what page in your textbook to turn to, then proceed to do absolutely nothing while you teach yourself.

Now, some might say, “But Kevin! A good teacher is one that teaches you to teach yourself.” WRONG! In that case, why the FUCK do I need Mr. “I can’t be bothered to teach” in the first place? I don’t! I am so sick of having teachers and professors who make you do their jobs for them. And this type of teacher is everywhere! If all you want me to do is turn to a certain page and answers questions that’s fine—but let me do it at home. Don’t make me show up to class to do what is essentially homework. Either get off your lazy ass and start teaching, or find me someone who can.

#2 The, “I can’t fucking understand you” teacher

Unlike number 1, you can usually find this teacher in colleges as opposed to high schools. These are the professors you just shelled out a shit ton of money to and for some reason cannot be bothered to learn English. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against people with accents, but they need to be understandable and make sense. Now I know most of you are probably crying, “You’re prejudice!” Well, I’m actually not. By definition, prejudice is a, “Preconceived opinion not based on reason or experience.” And this is most certainly based on experience. Lots of it, unfortunately.

Don’t get me wrong! I do not dislike these people, but let’s put things another way. Do any of you have a silver-haired old grandmother with arthritis that you love dearly? Yes? Would you be shocked to find out she was rejected to be a firefighter? No? Why not? Probably because she can’t do the job the way it’s meant to be done. Similarly, Calculus is already hard enough without me having to decide if you’re talking about integrals or the new batman movie.

#3 The, “I don’t want to answer your questions teacher.”

This is the worst kind of teacher, and he or she can be found equally in both high schools and colleges. Worse than numbers 1 or 2, because both of those types will at least try to teach when directly confronted, this teacher is the most despicable of them all. Have a question about the class? Fuck off. Don’t understand something? Go home and look it up. Need help with a homework problem? Get a tutor.

This teacher is the one who, unlike number 1, doesn’t simply not give a fuck, but instead they actually go out of their way not to care. And just when you think they couldn’t possibly care any less, they outdo themselves in how little a shit they give.

For instance, I once had a professor in a class that met on Tuesdays and Thursdays. One day, the professor comes in and announces that all Thursday classes are cancelled for the rest of the semester, because—and I quote—“it’s too early and I don’t feel like waking up.”

Of course, there were many happy students upon heaing this announcement, with several even shouting out in joy, and why? Because in addition to shitty teachers, there are still many shitty students, but that’s another entry for another day.

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