If I could go back in time...

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If you could go back in time and re-experience an event in your life, what would it be? Would you go back to change an event that happened or to re-experience a happy time? Or something else?

 

I admit that at my young age, I’ve already committed an awful lot of mistakes. But before you could say that rant, I know—making mistakes is a part of being human. It defines who we are and is an essential part of life. But when given a chance to go back in time and change things for the better, shouldn’t one immediately take hold of the rare chance?

I would give anything to God if he could just let me re-take the UPCAT. I wasn’t able to think straight at that time. My mind was pre-occupied with my countless number of panic-stricken what-ifs. In addition to that, it was also my first college test, so I had zero idea what will happen. The not-so-friendly aura of our proctor also did no help. I was frightened the whole time! At the start of the test, while our proctor was reading the instructions out loud, I was busy fidgeting in my seat, trying to quickly recall what I studied. If only I knew that it only worsens my already-worsening anxiety. As a result, most of my answers were uncertain, even though I clearly remember studying them beforehand. I was so frustrated! Little did I know that it was only the start of an unforgettable nightmare.

 

I was enjoying the English part because I was confident with almost all of my answers when in the middle of answering, our proctor commanded us to stop and proceed to the next part of the test. I looked at my answer sheet and my eyes widened at how much I have skipped—almost half of it was left blank. How worse could that moment be? But alas, I can’t do anything about it. So much as I hate to, I helplessly flipped the pages onto the next part, which is about science. Just when I thought that I was doing fine with the rest of the exam, the proctor distributed the papers for the essay. I was pretty confident because, not to brag or anything, but I have always enjoyed writing. But I think I’m going to save that for another essay. To cut to the chase, of all the time in the world, it was during the UPCAT that I was struck with a writer’s block. Not a single word was coming out of my mind. Needless to say, I ended up with two paragraphs filled with nonsense. I really hated myself. And is it obvious that I still do now?

 

I’m familiar with the saying that what matters now may not matter as much in the future because, let’s face it—life goes on. And it probably will, for me and for the rest of my mistakes in the future. But right now, I would so kill to be given a second chance. Things in the future would be so much easier, not only for me but for my whole family as well, if I would be admitted to UP Diliman. How I wish that I could go back to August five, when it was just quarter to six and I was still waiting in line, unaware of the terrible things that will happen and there, tell myself the things that I have learned. How I wish that I could do that. 

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