Because I Promised

Thirteen | Please

Dearest Jordan,

My guess is you're still adjusting from the last time I wrote. To be completely honest, I am too. This isn't easy for me, you know? I didn't just wake up and say "I'm going to give Jordan hell today". It took me longer than I would care to admit before I decided what I was going to do. You can be mad at me, you can hate me as much as you would like but please do not stop reading.

I glance up from the tattered journal in my lap and watch as hoards of my schoolmates float around the courtyard, getting yearbooks signed and enjoying the first bit of sunshine we have had in the past week. Uniform skirts are pushed up past the "modest length" of two inches above the knee as girls lay with their backs against picnic tables, letting the sun fall across their skin. Dress shirt sleeves are pushed up as guys loosen their ties to get a bit of extra airflow down their hot necks. I look down at my own rolled sleeves and notice how messily I had actually rolled them.

As I look around the courtyard, it starts to sink in that I really only have two more days of my entire high school career. In two days, I'll be a graduate of Sacred Heart Academy and have nothing to show for it other than a piece of paper.

Alison is right. It's taken me two weeks to bring myself to open this thing again. I wanted to just ignore it and let it sit in the bottom of my closet for the rest of eternity, but I just can't. This is what she wanted. She wanted to show me that I still care about what she thinks.

Knowing she hid her illness from me on purpose kills me. It rips me apart every time I make any progress of putting myself back together. This twisted last will and testament is a part of my life now, whether I care to admit it or not.

I'm lowering my gaze back to the page when a hand touches my shoulder. I close the journal almost instantaneously. I'm not afraid of people knowing it exists, but the idea of sharing Ali's personal thoughts with anyone was enough to have my fingertips trembling with anxiety.

"Hello stranger. Long time no see!" I don't even have enough time to match the feminine voice to a face before I'm staring directly into a pair of dark blue eyes that I've only seen once before.

Her blonde hair is even more overgrown than it was all those weeks ago when our paths crossed for the first time. It hangs in front of her eyes. I notice the way she pushes it away, a goofy grin exposing her mildly crooked teeth.

"You-you're" I stutter, failing to get a grip on my own thoughts and words.

"Here? Why, yes I am. Hard to be anywhere else when theres only two schools in this town." She finishes my sentence for me, as if she knows exactly what I'm thinking. I silently thank God that she doesn't actually know whats running through my mind. "Jump off any piers lately? Maybe a bridge or two?" She jokes.

My limbs go stiff and I'm not even sure if I'm remembering to breathe for the thirty seconds that I just stare at her, eyes wide and mouth slightly ajar.

"Oh, I've said something wrong, haven't I?" She says, her eyes falling. I can't bring myself to say anything. It is as if my motor skills, not to mention my social skills, have regressed in the time I spent alone in my room. "You know, I never did read that newspaper." Her hair has fallen back in front of her eyes and her cheeks are flushed. Her skin is milky white and squishy looking, like she still hasn't lost the baby fat in her cheeks.

"What's your name?" I blurt out casually, as if we had been carrying on a normal conversation.

She raises a curious eyebrow at me, her grin back in place. "Emilie."

"I'm Jordan."

"I don't remember asking." Her lips turn up in a smile and for those brief moments, there is not a thought in my mind about Alison.

HI GUISE, so this happened.

I know the title of the book is now misleading because it says "on hold", and it is. However, I'm going to try to upload consistantly for the next two weeks until I move back to college and then during the school year, it will remain on hold.

I know sporadic updates are frustrating, but hey, it's all I can promise for now.

Question time: do you prefer frequent updates that are only 2/3 pages long, or slow updates that are 5/6 pages long?

I should take the time right now to say that at this point, there are less than 20 parts left. (it looks like there will be 12 more, but that is tentative)

As you can tell, the story will be moving along more now, as Jordan begins the path to recovery, and I know you guys might be like "BUT NOOOO, he can't forget about Alison" right now, but I promise he has not forgotten her.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and if you did, then give it a vote or leave me a comment to let me know what you thought! :)

xx Amanda