As soon as I closed my door I started having a panic attack. How can I survive without drugs? They're literally the only thing I have left. I might as well die. What about when I go through withdrawl? The boys will notice and take me to the hospital and then they'll know everything! I curled up into a ball and started hyperventalating. My panic attacks usually weren't that bad, just little ones that didn't scare me too much. But this one was almost as bad as the time when Simon told me he would fire me if I didn't get my act together. I started shaking. My life is over. The room started spinning. This is it, I'm going to die. I heard my door open and someone walk in. I looked up, tears blurring my vision. It was Louis. I remembered last time I was this bad he left me, he'll probably do the same now. I started coughing, my throat was raw. Louis ran over to me.
"Niall are you okay? What happened?" He whispered as he pulled me into a hug. I was shocked by him caring so much.
"What are you doing? You hate me." I managed to choke out. Louis tensed next to me and pulled me closer. I would have protested and pushed him off of me but I didn't have the energy, instead I welcomed Louis warm body against my freezing cold one. I gripped tightly to his shirt and held on for dear life.
"Who told you that? I don't hate you, I love you." He murmured. I was starting to get angry, he could at least tell me the truth. They all hate me, they think I'm a burden.
"D-don't fucking lie to me Louis, I know you hate me and so do the others. Okay? It's okay though, I kinda hate me too." I whimpered. I felt a slight wetness on my forehead. I looked up to see that he was crying. Why was he crying? He looked at me and his eyes shown many emotions, sadness, anger, confusion, sympathy, and regret.
"Niall, I'm so sorry. I didn't know it had gotten this bad. I thought it would g-go away, I don't hate you. I never did. We all love you so much. Please don't say that. You can't hate yourself." Louis cried. I had started calming down. I was still petrified of the future though, what would become of me? I can't tell anyone about what Simon has done to me, or my drug problem. They'll hate me. But when did I start to care? I'm becoming weak, soft. I'll just get hurt again. I sighed. This was it, I was giving in. Or was I? Could I trick them into thinking I was okay? Then I could finally get rid of myself, they wouldn't realize until it was too late. I hugged Louis tightly. It felt oddly nice having someone else's warmth against my pale, cold skin. I felt him shudder.
"You're warm." I whispered. He hugged me closer, seperating any space between us.
"You only think that because you're so cold." He replied just as quietly. To anyone observing it would look as if we were lovers in a romantic embrace, but we were actually repairing our bond. We were understanding each other. I understood him, why he did what he did. He was afraid of me. He was afriad of what I was becoming, what I became. He wanted to help he just didn't know how. He thought avoiding me was the only way. He pulled down my sleeves, revealing my multiple cuts. He inhaled sharply.
"I'm sorry." I muttered shamefully. He stroked my cheek sympatheticlly. I started crying again.
"Please don't cry. It's okay. Just... don't do it again okay?" He said, smiling sadly. I nodded. I felt myself slowly drifting off to sleep. I think Louis had fallen asleep also because I heard his soft snores, if any of the boys walked in they would surely think me an Louis had done something or were together. I really hope Harry wouldn't walk in. I let myself slowly relax and I drifted off into a dreamless sleep.
-------------------------------------------- Morning -----------------------------------------------------
I woke up feeling terrible, the symptoms of withdrawl already kicking in. I shivered at how cold it was, or maybe it was just me. I suddenly felt the warmth of another person next to me, I tensed up at how close they were. Had Brent come back? I pushed them off of my slightly to see who it was, it was Louis. I sighed in relief that it wasn't some random serial killer/ rapist. Louis, being still asleep, brought me in closer until his lips were grazing the back of my neck. I smiled, I miss being so close to Louis. He was one of my best friends before all this. I heard the thud of heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. Suddenly my door swung open.