Chapter 40

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Chapter 40 (the longest chapter yet!!!)

Okay, I tried to calm myself. I am a vampire. This is so freaking weird, though...unbelievable! It was nearly impossible to wrap my mind around the concept of what I had become.

And it was so strange that I knew what a vampire was, that I knew so much about everyday things: the names of objects, the definition of “vampire,” the best words to express how I felt, but I somehow didn't know these seven “people” who apparently knew me so well and loved me like a member of their family.

Although I hadn't known my name, I recognized it immediately once they informed me. If they had tried to call me by another name, I would have immediately known it wasn't right.

And I knew me. I realized who I was at my core: my values, my likes and dislikes, my personality.

So I was only blocking my human life. My past.

But why? What had happened to me that would make me block out this family who obviously cared for me? And what caused me to block out what appears to be my entire human past?

Slowly I turned toward Carlisle. While his facial expression was a mask of calm, his eyes were troubled.

There was a lot of stuff going on here. And I had a lot of questions. A heck of a lot of questions....

“Carlisle? How did I become a vampire?” I asked, the first of the many questions darting in and out of my new and roomy mind.

Carlisle's eyes tightened, his jaw flexing. This question was obviously not welcome. He smiled at me, but there was something hidden that lurked beneath his smile that made me anxious.

“How about we take you hunting first, and then once you're not as thirsty, we can talk about what happened,” he offered quietly... and with hope.

Of its own volition, my hand moved to my burning throat again. Yes, it was searing, this dryness, this parched feeling...and it became more painful with each passing moment.

But the need to know what had happened to me was somehow even more agonizing at the moment.

“No, I'd rather talk first,” I stated stubbornly.

“Bella, that's really not a good idea,” Alice interjected.

I spun to face her. “And why not?” I growled, quirking my brow in annoyance.

Alice sighed. “Because you'll be in much better control if we hunt first,” she explained quietly, but with the air of someone explaining two-plus-two to a toddler. “You'll be more reasonable and better able to cope with everything that's happened.”

My eyebrows rushed together in annoyance. “I don't care about being reasonable and controlled and coping. I can tell that you all are hiding something—or a lot of somethings—from me, and I deserve to know. I deserve the truth!” My voice had started out slow and determined, but by the end, it had risen to a strangely musical screech.

“No one is saying anything different, Bella,” soothed Esme. “It's just a matter of prioritizing your needs. You'll be able to concentrate better on all that we have to tell you if you aren't thirsty. That's all, dear.”

Okay, that makes sense, I grudgingly admitted to myself, taking a few deep breaths to calm myself.

I saw Carlisle and Esme shoot Jasper a curious look. “I don't know how she's doing it,” Jasper shrugged, his eyes on me as he spoke. “In all my experience, I've never seen a newborn show this level of control.”

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