Misconceptions (Zayn Malik)

Chapter 13 ~ Zayn

Chapter 13 ― Zayn 

Was it too much asking for someone to like me better? Was it too much wanting to be special for someone? I didn’t think so but it seemed like it was. It always was. I knew I couldn’t have Alex but I wanted someone to look at me like she looked at Niall, or someone to smile at me like Belle smiled at Dan or someone like Phebs whose features used to soften when she thought of Liam. But instead of that, I had someone who could barely stand me and who forced herself to be nice, someone who clearly preferred Harry and Liam over me.

Yes, Mila was being nice at the airport before we had to go, but it was clear that the smiles she gave me weren’t as honest or as bright as the ones she gave to Harry, for instance. I wasn’t saying that I wanted Mila to have a crush on me or something similar, I just wanted someone to like me better and it would be great if it was her, someone as honest as her, someone as different as her, someone so independent as her, someone who could see the real me; but she didn’t like the real me she could see. I knew, I perfectly knew, she could see under the façade I showed to the world, for some reason, she could really see me. She did from the first time, she could see how much I wanted Alex without me saying a thing.

Was I jealous of Harry and Liam who seemed to be so close to Mila? Hell yes I was. I couldn’t help it and I couldn’t lie to myself saying that I wasn’t. That bitterness running through my veins was the same that did every time I saw Niall and Alex together during the tour. I wanted to hug Mila so easily as Liam did. I wanted to laugh with her as Harry did, I wanted to call her and talk to her every day like Harry did. I wanted to be her friend.

Did I want something more? Maybe. I wasn’t sure yet, I just knew I didn’t want her to dislike me.

“You okay, mate? You look down...” Niall asked me, in his hands a big bag of crisps.

I looked at the blond and tried to smile. We were in our way to America for a month and we hadn’t been two hours there yet and I already wanted to go back. I wanted the holidays to come now. It was the first time I wasn’t excited about going to America and I couldn’t stop wondering if it was because of Mila. How much was she affecting me? Why couldn’t I just stop thinking of her?

“Yeah, I was just thinking,” I replied and he narrowed his eyes a bit like trying to see more than what I was showing. He finally sat next to me and I smiled thinking that Liam was going to have to switch seats even if he didn’t want to.

“What were you thinking of?” He asked again and right after he filled his mouth with crisps. “Or should I say whom? I saw you talking to Mila.” He raised an eyebrow and smiled goofily. I immediately felt uncomfortable because I didn’t like people asking me about whom I was thinking of when I wasn’t quite sure about my feelings towards that person. In this case: Mila.

“Seriously, it doesn’t matter,” I insisted but I knew Niall didn’t buy it.

“Do you fancy Mila? I’m asking you this seriously. I won’t tell the lads, I just wanna know,” he said and this time I knew he was being serious but I also understood the real question behind those words. He wanted to know if I finally had moved on from Alex. He wanted to know if I still had feelings for his girlfriend.

Did I still have feelings for Alex? Yes, of course I had. You couldn’t just forget about a person in a matter of days. The difference was in the intensity of my feelings for her. It wasn’t Alex who was on my mind all the time anymore, though I still wanted her, it wasn’t the same anymore and probably it was because of Mila, because now this shorter girl was invading my head.

“Honestly, I don’t know,” I answered looking down at my hands on my lap. “I think of her constantly but I don’t know if it is because I fancy her or because I can’t get over the fact she doesn’t like me. I don’t know if it is a pride thing or something else.”