An Innocent

Warning, This story contains swearing and self-harm, if that doesn't float your boat, i suggest you don't read. Thanks!

"Kaiiiiya, Im h-home!" He calls, voice raspy and taunting. 

"Damn it." I whisper before searching out the apartment for somewhere to hide, at least until he's sober.

"Baby where arrrre y-you?" He yells.

I quickly crawl into the closet and shut the door, barely breathing as an attempt to be quite so he won't find me.

"WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!?" He screams, bursting through the bedroom door. This has been going on for seven months now, Him going out to bars, hooking up with random whores, getting into fights, then the end of the night either screaming, beating, or raping me. Sometimes all three. 

I don't know what happened to us. When we first met he was nice, funny, everything you could ever ask for in a guy. I don't really remember when, but somewhere along the way he must of snapped, becoming everything he wasn't. That's when he started drinking and hitting and cheating. That is why I come home everyday scared that I won't live to see another. That is why I'm trapped in life where I have to be cautious about little thing I do, afraid that he will blow up hit me, or even worse, leave me. I'm. So. Afraid. Yes, I'm afraid he will leave me. Even as pathetic and fucked up as it sounds, I still love him. It shouldn't be this way. I should of left him by now, but I'm too scared because I know I will be nothing without him. I have no where to run, if I go back to my parents, they will call the police and have him arrested, and probably keep me locked up in my room until I die. Nobody wins. 

"Babe, p-please.. I-I need you." He starts to cry, sob actually. What..?

He falls to his knees, crying. I ignore his pleas and stay hidden until he falls asleep. When he does, I quietly get up and open the closet door. I step over his sleeping figure and over to our bedroom. I take out my suitcase and throw all of my crap into it. Tears stream down my face as I write the note.

Dear Trevor,

What happened to us? Or better yet, what the hell happened to you? We fell apart. The worst part about it is that I still love you. It kills me to do this, but Im leaving. I decided I've had enough. Oh, and don't bother looking for me, I'll be long gone by the time you read this.

(P.S the last time I checked, your not supposed to beat your fiancee. Or cheat on her. Or rape her. Just saying.)

~Kaiya

Then I'm gone.

~

One Year Later

~

"Kaiya!" My Mom yells from downstairs.

"What Mom?!" I yell back, hoping that she isn't calling me for the reason I dread to hear.

 "You have another letter!"

Oh dear lord. Not again. 

I let out a long sigh before sitting up from my bed and pausing the music blasting through my Ipod doc. I  walk downstairs and into the kitchen being greeted by mother as she hand me the letter.

"Thanks." I mutter before running back upstairs and into my room, making sure to lock the door.

I sit down on my bed, setting the letter down a fair distance away from me. I don't have to pretend I don't know what it is, but I'm still afraid to open it. Then again, Im afraid of everything now, have been for the past year now. That's not my fault though. It's Trevor's. The same person who had searched for me frantically for two months after I left, begging for me to come back. Why, so he could beat me again? I don't think so. After that he started threatening me, saying that if I didn't come back he would do something awful. Ha. Good luck with that. After he failed with threatening, he somehow got ahold of my new address. He sends me letters telling me that he is glad I left (what a suprise) because I was never good enough for him in the first place. That there are better, hotter, whores out there who would be happy to be with him. At first I tried to ignore the letters, but they just didn't stop coming. I eventually gave in to reading them, which was probably a bad idea, considering that they are the reason I fell into depression and self harm. Or better yet, he is the reason. I don't blame him though. I could have helped him with whatever the hell he was going through, but I was to scared. I loved him and I left him, to fend for him self. What the hell is wrong with me? Im still not sure if I regret it. I sure don't miss getting beaten though.

Hesitantly, I pick up the letter, scared, yet determined to read it. I still want to know what he has to say.

Kaiya,

I still don't know why the fuck you left me, but can I just say Im glad you did. I've found someone better than you, who actually appreciates me, unlike you. You were nothing, you still are nothing. Your an ugly inconsiderate, little bitch who is to scared to defend for herself, so she runs like the scared prick she is. You deserve to die after the way you treated me.

I pause, taking a deep breath, tears rimming my eyes threatening to fall.

I heard you were cutting yourself. 

Wait. How the hell does he know that?! Stalker.

I bet your wondering why I'm still taking some of my precious time to write you these letters, but you should know that you deserve to go through the same pain you put me through. Karma's a bitch. Just like you.

~ Trevor

I carefully pick up the letter and walk over to my closet, taking out a small box. I open the box simply labeled 'Letters' and put it in there. The box is full of his disgusting letters. The reason I keep them is beyond me. 

Tears fall from my face as I walk into the bathroom and splash cool water on face, attempting to rid myself of my tear-stained eyes. I look up into the mirror, disgusted by the girl looking back at me. Deep, dark circles rimming my dull, blue eyes. My dark brown hair falling in my face. My face puffy and splotchy from crying. I've always been an ugly cryer.

I look down on the counter and flinch when I see it. The razor. I've been trying to stop, but in the end temptation always wins. Just like it does now. I carefully pick it up and hold it against my wrist. I add pressure and soon enough ribbons of red are trailing down my arm. I hiss in pain, sinking down to my knees. I cry until I can't cry anymore. I just feel numb. I stand up, rinsing off my wrist before walking out the door. When I turn the corner, I run into something, or better yet, someone. 

Mom.

Oh. Shit.

~~

AUTHORS NOTE~~

Okay I know this was absolute crap, really depressing and all, but this is my first time writing something like this. Y'all enjoy Garrett Borns on side Im kinda obsessed with that song.. Haha.:) I would really appreciate your feedback though! 

Lots Of Love<3, 

Sara:)