Yes, I was angry, hurt, and upset about what had happened when I went to talk to Luke and discovered their plans. Yes, I slept with Joel just to spite Luke and whoever else that wanted to care because I was beyond upset and I thought it would make me feel better. After the fact, did I feel better? No, I almost felt worse than before and I almost felt dirty in a way. Being with Joel just wasn't the same anymore and that hurt knowing I had lied to Joel. I was basically leading him on and eventually going to hurt him more in the long run if I ever forgave Luke for what he had done. He had humiliated me in front of that leech named Leah.
I splashed some water over my face while still feeling uneasy after sleeping with Joel; I practically ran and hid in the bathroom. My life felt as if it was spinning out of control and everything I did just seemed to make everything get ten times worse. I could hear Joel snoring lightly on my bed; at least he didn't notice my speedy exit to get away from him. I need to wake him and send him to his room, so we didn't get into trouble, under Luke's stipulation of him being here. I rolled my eyes; I just wanted to punch him in the stupid face sometimes for making me so angry. I sighed thinking how he could have done this, just as I was thinking I liked him and wanted to be with him he goes and pulls this. I would have been overjoyed for Joel to have been here with me, but now I was unsure now.
Then the thought popped in my mind, what if Luke had planned all this all along, if he could have petitioned to marry me why didn't he do this from the begging when I said I didn't want this? I know he is smart and likes to play games, but could he have been planning this all along? Leah had been around Luke for a long time, maybe he truly wanted to be with Leah and was just waiting for time to pass, that way it looked like he tried to make it work and when it didn't he and Leah could be together. I felt bile start to rise at the thought as my stomach twisted and I kept breathing slowly trying to calm down. No, I thought Max would never allow him to do that, my brother was supposed to protect me, even though he lied to me many, many times. I'm not sure how long I sat in the bathroom contemplating everything and becoming even more paranoid, every single person lied to me, even Joel. I felt so alone.
I pulled myself together and finally walked back into my room to see a naked Joel sprawled out on my bed. I took a deep breath and walked over to wake Joel up because he couldn’t stay even thought I really didn't want to be alone at the moment. We talked for a short time about nothing of importance; he told me about his dad's job, and that his mother also worked here sometimes. Though my mind was racing and couldn't really focus on what Joel was talking about I feared that my paranoid thoughts were true and they were all just messing with me. When Joel finally left I lay curled up in a ball and silently wept, not wanting anyone to hear and come to investigate.
I awoke in the morning from hearing a knock on my door; I could tell my eyes were swollen from last nights pity party.
“Enter,” I said with a cracked voice, as I sat up and looked the opposite way so whoever it was didn't see me in this state.
“Annie, the queen wants to have a private meeting with you as soon as you get dressed.” Mary said quietly in an almost sad way.
“Okay, I’ll be ready soon.” I stood up and rushed into the bathroom before she could get a good look at me.
I knew better than to lollygagged when it came to the queen, so I rinsed off fast, still feeling slightly dirty and covered my face with make-up to hide the swollen eyes and dress in a simple light yellow summer dress. I walked back into my room and looked at Mary who stood by the door looking down, not even looking at me. I knew this meeting was not going to be a pleasant event. I wonder what it could be about; there were a few things she could be unhappy about. First me and Luke still not together, second Luke and Leah’s petition, third she could have heard me and Macy arguing and the event that happened afterward which meant she knew about everything including Joel being present. I started chewing a lot on my lip roughly and I'm surprised I didn't chew a piece off and eat my lip. I walk in silent behind Mary as my anxiety sky rocketed with every step.