Poetry Collection: Atty Awards 2012

Free Verse: Definition of Awkward

Hello again, stranger.

Technically, you're my best friend...

Ha! What a joke.

We sit together in class,

And we try to smile at each other...

But sometimes I wonder if people realize,

As well as I do,

That this "friendship" is all just a paper thin charade.

You see,

If our mutual friend moved away,

Or never brought us together in the first place,

I would be a million miles away from you,

Hanging out with totally different people,

People that I actually like,

And I would be the one thinking,

"Wow, you're really kinda shallow."

When we pass in the halls,

I smile at you.

I'm only trying to be your friend,

Like people expect of me.

But, I don't think you've ever noticed my tentative smile,

Because you walk past,

With whoever you're dating now,

Accidentally-on-purpose looking the other way.

When our friend isn't here,

What reason is there to talk to me?

It's her you run up to and hug everyday,

It's her you say "Hi" to each morning.

But I, at her side, am left unnoticed,

Because you're her friend,

Not mine.

Don't get me wrong -

You're not a bad person,

You've never done me any harm.

It's just that whenever we're alone,

We don't have anything to talk about,

Nothing in common,

Not a single interest.

It's more comfortable talking to actual strangers

Than talking to you,

Because we're supposed to be friends,

And we're not.

We're only lukewarm acquaintances,

That have known each other

For their whole lives, almost.

Sometimes, I wish that we would have a fight,

Or that either of us would do something really mean,

So that I could have a reason not to talk to you.

So that I could just hate you.

Instead of this awkward, non-plussed silence,

It would be a purposeful peaceless-ness.

Then we would actually know

Where we stood in each other's eyes.

Wouldn't enemies be better than this?

But right now, I'm not your enemy.

I'm not your best friend.

I'm not even your friend.

I don't hate you.

I don't like you.

We're just... here.

Pushed together by our mutual best friend.

Someday,

I hope that I'll find the courage to say

The words that have been on my mind,

All these years of half-hearted "friendship".

Someday, I'll say to you,

With all my pent-up apathetic-ness...

I'l say,

Goodbye forever, stranger.